Reading Randomness

I’ve had a long day and it’s been pretty exhausting, though I didn’t really do much. I had called my cousin to tell him I wouldn’t be visiting him because of my pain and he was not sympathetic at all. I knew he wouldn’t be. I was to say hi to him in the morning but he never called me so I went about my day. It was muggy so I pretty much just stayed in my room.

I finally finished Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. I spent most of the afternoon reading. I am glad I am done with it because I have finished the series. Now I can move on to my other books. If I am up to it, I will start “The Cuckoo’s Calling”, which is another book by JK Rowling written under her Pen Name Robert Galbraith. If I like the series, I will read the other two books. It’s amazing what you learn from Twitter about authors.

My voices are quiet but the songs in my head are still going. They aren’t as loud as they have been. I forgot to take my dose earlier this afternoon. Yesterday, I took 12 mg of trilafon to quiet things down. Now it seems to be wearing off. I meant to call my psychiatrist but I haven’t done so. I will try tomorrow. I don’t feel like talking to anyone tonight.

The Sox are still off. They don’t play again till tomorrow night. I miss hearing about baseball. The sox are still trying to get a high school left handed pitcher. He went for a physical today, but there has been no deal yet. I wish they would sign him already.

My mood is pretty much the same: bleak and sometimes gloomy. I just can’t get out of this funk I am in and I don’t know how much the psychosis is playing a part. Most of the time I feel flat, like I don’t have any emotions at all. When I am not feeling that way, I feel sad and depressed. I don’t feel joy or any positive feelings. Nothing makes me “happy”.

I have been fighting sleep since I woke up. I just feel really tired. I have no energy to do anything. It took all my spoons just to take a shower this morning. But I know if I lie down, I will just wake up in ten minutes or my ankle will explode in pain. That seems to be happening a lot more frequently. I lie down and my ankle hurts big time. It doesn’t really bother me while I am in a seated position but soon as I lie down, forget about it. Pisses me off.

I had texted my therapist this morning to see if there were any openings to let me know. So far there hasn’t been and as the night goes on, I don’t think there are going to be any. The only thing I have planned for tomorrow is to go to Walgreens to do an errand for my mother. She needs some stuff for the house. I might go to Starbucks in the morning and then go on my way home. I really should get cracking on the psychology 101 book that I bought. I am almost done with chapter 1. There are long chapters in this book. I can only read so much before my brain gets fried or I lose interest in what I am reading. I am glad I am not in school or I would have flunked by now.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Reading Randomness

  1. G. Collerone says:

    thank you. ONLY 19 more books to go, LOL

  2. manyofus1980 says:

    glad you managed to finish your book. one down lol. hope your ankle doesn’t start acting up tonight. sleep well when you get to go to bed. XXX

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