feeling exhausted from psychosis

I took a nap in the afternoon and I still am not quite awake. I really am not looking forward to tomorrow where I said I would be going to a BBQ. I didn’t realize that my mother’s sisters would be going as well. I am going to be bored out of my tree. I had thought of going into the hospital but am afraid my mother’s blood sugar would crash. She has been stable since being home from the hospital. I just worry the stress of me going to into the hospital might cause her to become unstable. I could be wrong but I don’t want to be right.

I talked with my therapist about going in the hospital as the voices are just getting worse and not better despite me taking the trilafon regularly. I am still up to 8 mg a day, which is a moderate dose. I told my therapist I would page my psychiatrist but still haven’t done it. I am kind of afraid that my psych will tell me I need to be in the hospital and then I will have no choice but to go. I really don’t want to go in, for the reasons I have mentioned. I am supposed to babysit next week and that will be difficult if I am in the hospital.

My therapist and I talked more about how the psychosis is affecting me. It is blunting my emotions so it is hard to feel anything. When I do feel something, it’s mostly depression. Last night I was feeling sad because I was thinking about my father. I was tempted to call my sister but it was late. I had briefly discussed the grief of my father with the NP I saw yesterday. She still says what I am going through is normal, what ever that means.

Since waking up at 0300 this morning, I have had the shits. I don’t know why. I haven’t eaten very much in the last couple of days. It’s taken a lot out of me. I think that was why I feel so tired today, despite drinking coffee. I just feel really exhausted. I don’t think I am going to go out with my cousin and aunts tomorrow. It’s going to be too stressful for me and that is the last thing I need right now.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to feeling exhausted from psychosis

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    I hope the hospital will help if you do go. I am worried it might not. I want you to get stable and be ok. An honest convo with your psych might help. Not that your not honest with her but you know a kind of lay it all out there on the table type convo might help. I know you have a good rapport with her so I think she’d be understanding and talk through all of your options with you. XXX keep us posted!

  2. G. Collerone says:

    I don’t think it would be a prolonged hospitalization. They just don’t do those things anymore. it’s just get stabilized as quick as possible and then you are out the door type of care. I’m too exhausted today to make any type of decision. I still need a shower and it’s way too hot in the house to take one without needing another one. I have to call my cousin and tell him I won’t be going. if he gives me any flip, i will just hang up on him. He is kind of not the understanding type when it comes to illness of any sort.
    The trouble with the hospital has always been if the unit I like has a bed available. But I am too tired to think about these things right now. Maybe tomorrow

  3. I think you’re making the right decision, not going tomorrow. Last thing you need is to be with people you’d rather not be with. Have you considered getting your mother a Lifeline system? It’s a pendant they wear, that if they fall it will activate an alarm. My father had one, and now my mother has one. It’s connected to the phone line, so if they go down an operator comes on a speaker and asks if they’re OK. If not, or they don’t answer, it triggers a 911 response. The only problem with it is the “fall off the toilet, stuck in a sitting position between the toilet and the sink” phenomenon, which we had twice and I know you’ve had, with your mother. Any chance your sister or somebody else could come stay while you go into the hospital? The caregiver has to take care of herself. It wouldn’t do you or your mother any good if you were to get to the point where you needed emergency, possibly prolonged, hospitalization, right? I hate to think about that, but I’m seeing a trend here that has me concerned. What are your feelings about that?

any thoughts?

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