Post 1854

I got practically no sleep last night. I didn’t go to sleep until after 0400. I was up most of the damn night because songs were singing in my head and the voices were out of control, despite taking the trilafon. I had taken 4 mg when I came home last night and then another one around 0300 when the songs were getting worse not better. I just could not settle down. I must have read like six chapters in the new book that I am reading because I thought that would settle me down but it didn’t. It was just a really tough night.

I didn’t do much today because I was so sleepy. My mother made some asparagus and eggs for dinner and that is all that I have eaten today. I just am not that hungry. It has been cooler today than it has been all week. I still have the AC on. I might turn it off after the sun goes down.

I had therapy today. It went okay though my therapist still wants me to let my psychiatrist know that I am not feeling myself. She wants me to tell her that I am feeling disconnected from things and feeling flat. I see her next week so I will tell her then. I don’t want to page her just to tell her this. I don’t think it’s all that important. If she brings it up tomorrow, I am just going to tell her to call my psychiatrist and tell her because I have no idea what she is getting at.

For some reason, my left leg is out of sorts today. I woke up sleeping on my left side and my leg just hurt really bad. I thought it was hurting because of the position I was in so I rolled over to my other side but it did no good. I have been taking pain meds most of the day to deal with the pain. Doesn’t help that my ankle is also acting up. I am glad today was a low key day because I would hate to go out in this kind of pain.

Because I slept through most of the day, I didn’t call the PT place to set up an appointment. I will try again tomorrow. I don’t know what kind of exercises they are going to have me do. I just hope it doesn’t aggravate my left ankle because that one really is a pain in the neck. I have tried PT with that ankle and it was a disaster. I am hoping that things will be better with my right as it’s more a central thing and less involvement. But we’ll see.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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