another day by the wayside

Another day by the wayside

It’s been a tough night and morning. I woke up again in pain and said fuck it. I’m not going out. We were supposed to get rain but it doesn’t look like a drop fell. I took my pills and rolled over to sleep again. Then I did the same thing a few hours ago. Seems the pills wear off and then I wake up in pain. I hate my life.

I really had wanted to go to Starbucks today. I probably could have suffered through and made it like I usually do but my resistance is down and my tolerance for pain is at an all time low. I need to get my haircut, which I was hoping to be today. It wasn’t in the cards. I am feeling really low. I have thought about calling my psychiatrist but I feel there is nothing she can do to help me so why bother. It’s another hot and humid day despite the temps being near 80 degrees. It’s a small reprieve from the 90 degree weather we have been having.

My mother didn’t want me to turn the oven on to make my steak. It was only going to be on broil for a little while rather than actually turning the oven on. It was a huge piece of steak so I doubt I will be eating anything else today. My mother had cooked some veggies so I had some of that as well.

I really need to shower today as I am feeling gross. But it’s going to be tricky with my ankle not liking me to be standing. I will have to take some more pain meds and then when they kick in, shower. It’s the only way to do it.

I might make coffee in a little while. My brain has cobwebs in it from all the pain meds I have been taking. I haven’t been taking more than I usually take but between the sleeping and pain, I just feel groggy. If I went to Starbucks, I think I would have had 5 shots of espresso with soy milk. I had 4 the other day and it didn’t do much for me.

Despite a low interest in the book “The Cuckoo’s Calling”, I keep reading it. It hasn’t gotten interesting at all. No drama or action. A pretty boring book. I am disappointed. I just bought another SE Hinton book, That was then, this is now. It’s her second book that she wrote. I plan on reading it after Cuckoo. It’s a short book so shouldn’t take me long.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to another day by the wayside

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    I think if you need to you should call your psych. even if she cant do much having her support would be good. I hope your ankle pain lessens soon too. that cant be pleasant. xxx

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