Scary Moment in the Kitchen

Scary Moment in the Kitchen

After the ballgame and baking, I retreated to the confines of my room to relax my ankle who was bugging me. The two slices of cake that I had were my lunch and I wasn’t up for dinner. I participated in BPD Chat and it was a good chat. Then I got hungry and didn’t know what to make. So I finally decided baked beans and a hot dog would be okay. As I went downstairs to make my dinner, my mother saw what I was wearing. A hoodie because I was cold. She said to shut the kitchen windows. I said okay, thinking nothing of it. I got my stuff for my meal and went into the kitchen.

First thing I did was shut the windows and that was when trouble started. As I reached and stretched to get at the handles, my right hip didn’t like it at all. I closed the first window without too much difficulty but the second one caused me considerable amount of pain. I stood still for a while to let it pass, thinking nothing serious had happened. My mother had emptied the silverware from the strainer thingy so I decided to put them away. No straining or stretching but my back gave out on me. I couldn’t move an inch without severe pain. I yelled for my mother, but she is deaf. I didn’t know if I could let go of the counter to reach my cell to call her. I gingerly did so.

My mother came to the kitchen and I was paralyzed in pain. She helped me to a chair and I sat for a little bit. She helped open the baked beans and got a hot dog out. I also told her to take out some burgers so I can have them for tomorrow. Meanwhile I am in the chair and wondering how I am going to even eat dinner with my back killing me. I just sat there as there was nothing else I could do, least for the next few minutes. It was scary because I didn’t know how bad this was going to be. I really wanted to see my therapist Tuesday to give her some cake, but if my back was out, I couldn’t drive. I slowly moved and was able to get a pan for the water to cook the hot dog. I was being real gingerly moving as I didn’t want another spasm of pain. By the time I finished my meal, the pain abated but I was still sore.

The temps have dropped dramatically in the last 24 hours and will continue to drop into the night as they are calling for frost conditions. My back HATES temperature fluctuations of more than 10-20 degrees or more. It will just switch to being out and there is nothing I can do about it until the temp normalizes, which, in New England, can be days to weeks. All I need to do is something small and it will go out or do nothing at all and I am laid up. I must have closed those damn kitchen windows a million times and they have never caused me pain like they did today.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, cauda equina syndrome, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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