I’m up late again

I’m up late again

Around 2100, I started to feel sleepy. I knew that if I laid down, the chances of my pain increasing was high so I stayed up a little longer until I couldn’t. So I must have been down for about maybe twenty minutes when the pain kicked up. I took some pain meds and I have been up since.

I wrote my friend a letter thinking it would get my mind off things and it did, and I laid down once more only to be hit with more pain. Then I got hot. I checked my room temp and it was just above 70 degrees. I turned the ceiling fan on to cool down. I had both feet out from under the blankets to feel the cool air. Once they turned cold, maybe I could sleep. I am still hoping. It hasn’t happened yet.

I have been talking with the voices most of the evening. They are my regular voices, not the mean ones that tell me I am an addict and that I should take all the pills because it will be better for me. It’s funny because when I tell my psychiatrist or therapist this, they don’t say anything to contradict the voice. I guess they assume I know I am not but it would be nice for them to say it so it counteracts the voices inside my head that I am internalizing.

I know part of the reason I am not asleep is because the magic hour of 2 am hasn’t hit yet. Seems that hour is when I can finally go to sleep. Or soon after. It’s been this way all week. The last two days I have slept really late. I hope to sleep late today too but I forgot to get one ingredient for my cake that I want to make Sunday.

It’s only been a few days time, but I already miss my Sox playing. There is still baseball being played but I am not really interested in it. I am interested in the National league game because I wonder if this is the year for the Cubs. We’ll see.

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About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about
This entry was posted in baseball, Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to I’m up late again

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    god I hate nights when sleep evades me and no matter what I do it just doesn’t come. nights like that are awful. glad you finally did manage to go to sleep. xx

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