So damn frustrated

So damn frustrated

So I did ONE stinking errand today and I am paying for it big time. My ankle gave out on me just a little while ago so I decided to take a nap. OOPS I didn’t get the memo it was going to cause me MORE fucking pain. My mother is cooking dinner downstairs in the kitchen and I have no clue how I am going to get there. I just took a strong pain pill to see if that helps. I already took 2 of my regular pain meds and I can’t take any more for the next few hours.

I am so depressed I want to cry. And there is construction going on the street over from me so I can’t even get a decent rest from noise. They are remodeling a house and adding shit to it. I just hope they quit soon so I can have peace. I texted my sister that I am in pain and she says to elevate my foot. Like that is going to really do anything! It’s already elevated sort of. I have it on a pillow. Might not be the best pillow but it works for me. So much for me changing my sheets this weekend. I will be lucky to make my cake Sunday when I want to.

I’m really frustrated that this is happening. I didn’t do too much today and I wasn’t on my feet that long. I technically didn’t walk more than I normally do so I don’t understand why the fuck I am in pain. Granted the temperature dropped significantly from yesterday so that may be a factor. It was 70 degrees yesterday. Today it’s 50.

I got notification today that my disability pass for the public transportation system has been approved. Monday I need to go to the office to get a new card as my current card expires in a couple weeks. I hope the money transfers over or I am going to be pissed. I just got a credit card and have been making small purchases on it. Small purchases add up quickly and I don’t want to put more money on my card if I don’t have to when there already is money on there.

I just put on my Red Sox slipper socks. They act like compression stockings because they are so tightly knit. I love them for this reason and they keep my feet warm. I had the ceiling fan going but I just shut it off because it’s cold in my room. I think my mother is going to turn on the heat tonight. Temps are going to fall again as I just got a freeze warning advisory from WeatherBug. It’s supposed to be FALL MOTHER NATURE!! Not winter, ya fool!

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G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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