So damn frustrated

So damn frustrated

So I did ONE stinking errand today and I am paying for it big time. My ankle gave out on me just a little while ago so I decided to take a nap. OOPS I didn’t get the memo it was going to cause me MORE fucking pain. My mother is cooking dinner downstairs in the kitchen and I have no clue how I am going to get there. I just took a strong pain pill to see if that helps. I already took 2 of my regular pain meds and I can’t take any more for the next few hours.

I am so depressed I want to cry. And there is construction going on the street over from me so I can’t even get a decent rest from noise. They are remodeling a house and adding shit to it. I just hope they quit soon so I can have peace. I texted my sister that I am in pain and she says to elevate my foot. Like that is going to really do anything! It’s already elevated sort of. I have it on a pillow. Might not be the best pillow but it works for me. So much for me changing my sheets this weekend. I will be lucky to make my cake Sunday when I want to.

I’m really frustrated that this is happening. I didn’t do too much today and I wasn’t on my feet that long. I technically didn’t walk more than I normally do so I don’t understand why the fuck I am in pain. Granted the temperature dropped significantly from yesterday so that may be a factor. It was 70 degrees yesterday. Today it’s 50.

I got notification today that my disability pass for the public transportation system has been approved. Monday I need to go to the office to get a new card as my current card expires in a couple weeks. I hope the money transfers over or I am going to be pissed. I just got a credit card and have been making small purchases on it. Small purchases add up quickly and I don’t want to put more money on my card if I don’t have to when there already is money on there.

I just put on my Red Sox slipper socks. They act like compression stockings because they are so tightly knit. I love them for this reason and they keep my feet warm. I had the ceiling fan going but I just shut it off because it’s cold in my room. I think my mother is going to turn on the heat tonight. Temps are going to fall again as I just got a freeze warning advisory from WeatherBug. It’s supposed to be FALL MOTHER NATURE!! Not winter, ya fool!

Twitter Rant: CAMS and Suicide

I wrote this at 0400 today. excuse the hashtags

Twitter rant CAMS and Suicide

I wonder if there will ever come a day when there isn’t a hierarchical relationship between client and clinician in the matters of #suicide. That clinician and client work together to deal with #suicide and all that it portends, without judgement, stigma, or fear. These are the musings I have at this hour. Anyone can be trained for suicide prevention but do they go with that training or own prejudices. I have seen that changing clinicians’ minds about how they deal with #suicide training doesn’t change their perception of it. The old stigma of “they’re going to do it anyways” so why bother helping them is prevalent. If it doesn’t change their perception of #suicide, why then bother spending hundreds of dollars for training if you aren’t going to use it?? Case in point, at the Menninger clinic, they had a CAMS study where the authors noted the clinicians resistance to this easy framework. Again, it was hierarchical, the clinician knows best, the client knows nothing, This truly needs to change if we are to prevent #suicides. CAMS was designed to work with all disciplines (SW, PhD, PsyD, MD, etc.) Yet these clinicians had their biases & stigma preventing an open mind. CAMS is unlike any other theory, is quick to learn, and has less paperwork. Along with the SSF, it really help deal with #suicidal clients. I might be biased for CAMS only because it saved my life and I think it is the most superior #suicide assessment out there. Here is my blog about #CAMS. #CAMS is also NOT a replacement or new treatment but a theory that working collaboratively helps someone who is #suicidal. my musings started when a therapist was complaining about the use of the CBT paperwork and stayed away from it in her practice. As a patient, I can totally understand why the CBT paperwork is so daunting. I never liked it and don’t think it is helpful but others have found it helpful. And you have the CBT nuts that swear by it. I just wonder if it is because that is all that they were trained to be like DBT therapists. You don’t have to change disciplines to work with #CAMS, after the assessments, the client will need that discipline for treatment. I still would love to replicate the study in the Boston area about therapists and their attitudes toward suicide and training. Final thoughts are that #suicide training is under utilized in this country and not mandated. when is that going to change??