It’s late again and I can’t fucking sleep

It’s late again and I can’t fucking sleep

My foot/ankle has been non-stop throbbing me for the last several hours. And now that I want to sleep, it’s saying “fuck you, too bad”. I have tried taking all the pills I can take, including the strong pain pill but still the throbbing has not gone away.

The voices have crept in. They want me to take a bottle of pills and it doesn’t matter which one I choose. I should page my psychiatrist but I don’t want to go to the ER. Besides, I think the meds are starting to take effect as I feel drowsy all of a sudden, even though the throbbing hasn’t decreased at all.

I was talking with a friend of mine who recommended my book to someone. She told me that there are sellers selling my book for $86! What??!! I immediately wrote an email to my publisher because it looks like they stole my book with a false ASIN number. I hope they respond soon and nobody buys this book at that outrageous price. I am selling my book for $15, legitimately.

I am so tired and wish I could just fall asleep. I’m tempted to take a 3rd Ativan but I have already taken enough medication tonight. I don’t want to go overboard because I need to be driving tomorrow, well, really today. I hate being up this late. It never bodes well.

I need to get some forks tomorrow. I am giving my therapist some cake and I don’t have any disposable forks at home so I need to get some. I would hate to give her the cake without anything to eat it with. Maybe I can get a fork from Starbucks when I get my espresso. I am glad I don’t have an espresso machine at home because I really would never leave the house. I can have my coffee and espresso whenever I wanted it. I would just have to buy the soy milk and I would be set. I do need to get more Pike coffee as I am down to a little bit. I don’t think I have enough for another cup of coffee. I have the house blend coffee but I don’t like it as much as the Pike.

I finished off the last piece of cake that I had made over the weekend. It was very good. Now I am looking forward to making another cake. I love having cake. It’s my favorite dessert. But I am out of cool whip.

any thoughts?

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