It’s late again and I can’t fucking sleep

It’s late again and I can’t fucking sleep

My foot/ankle has been non-stop throbbing me for the last several hours. And now that I want to sleep, it’s saying “fuck you, too bad”. I have tried taking all the pills I can take, including the strong pain pill but still the throbbing has not gone away.

The voices have crept in. They want me to take a bottle of pills and it doesn’t matter which one I choose. I should page my psychiatrist but I don’t want to go to the ER. Besides, I think the meds are starting to take effect as I feel drowsy all of a sudden, even though the throbbing hasn’t decreased at all.

I was talking with a friend of mine who recommended my book to someone. She told me that there are sellers selling my book for $86! What??!! I immediately wrote an email to my publisher because it looks like they stole my book with a false ASIN number. I hope they respond soon and nobody buys this book at that outrageous price. I am selling my book for $15, legitimately.

I am so tired and wish I could just fall asleep. I’m tempted to take a 3rd Ativan but I have already taken enough medication tonight. I don’t want to go overboard because I need to be driving tomorrow, well, really today. I hate being up this late. It never bodes well.

I need to get some forks tomorrow. I am giving my therapist some cake and I don’t have any disposable forks at home so I need to get some. I would hate to give her the cake without anything to eat it with. Maybe I can get a fork from Starbucks when I get my espresso. I am glad I don’t have an espresso machine at home because I really would never leave the house. I can have my coffee and espresso whenever I wanted it. I would just have to buy the soy milk and I would be set. I do need to get more Pike coffee as I am down to a little bit. I don’t think I have enough for another cup of coffee. I have the house blend coffee but I don’t like it as much as the Pike.

I finished off the last piece of cake that I had made over the weekend. It was very good. Now I am looking forward to making another cake. I love having cake. It’s my favorite dessert. But I am out of cool whip.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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