Hang Over

Hang Over

I got a Neurontin hang over because I took a lot of it last night to help with the pain as I am low on my pain meds. I also took a lot to help me sleep through the night. Now I am on my second cup of coffee to help clear the cobwebs.

Today is my sister’s birthday. I wrote her a sentimental note and placed it in the card. We are going out for dinner tonight. My mother’s back is hurting so I am hoping she can make it. It would be good to have the family together. Course, this is the first of many birthdays without my father so I know it’s going to be weird. I have been thinking about him a lot today.

One of the clinicians that I know on Twitter sent me a response to my upsetting chat blog. He gave me an article to read and would like my insights into it. I read the article with interest though it was hard to do with this hang over I have. I told him I would write a blog about it because 140 characters are too short for my response. I am still thinking of a response, but I had a question for the psychologist that the article is about. I am waiting for a response before I write a blog.

The game of taking my foot in and out of the covers is still going on. It is so annoying. Half the time I am waking up with my foot frozen. I need to get the AC out of my room so it can be a little warmer. And for some reason, I had the ceiling fan going. That helped my foot a whole lot, NOT. I hate when my feet get so cold and then warm up because it’s like going through the process of freezer burn. It warms up and then it hurts like a SOB. I can’t win.

I have the appointment with the NP for my pain management. I hope that my psychiatrist has emailed her. Otherwise, I fear that it’s going to be another status quo appointment. I am going to ask that the order be changed to how I take it. And I am going to ask for the 2 extra pills a day to help ease my pain. Four pills a day just isn’t cutting it. I am really nervous about speaking up about this. I am terrified of her saying no to my request or saying that a MD needs to change the order, which means I need to wait another damn month. I have decided I won’t wait the month. I am in too much pain as it is and dealing with another month of this bullshit because she is an NP and not an MD is just ridiculous. I am tired of dealing with stupidity around my meds and not being heard.

My therapist wanted to know the outcome of the appointment via text. I just texted telling her I won’t be texting her tomorrow, regardless of how it goes down. I just don’t care or give a shit anymore. I tried to convey this to her yesterday when we had our appointment and it fell on deaf ears. She is another one that doesn’t hear me, but she knows the severity of my suicidality so there is some cause for concern.

In the article that I read today, which I post a full blog about, it was talking about suicide being its own diagnosis, specifically as an acute suicidal affective disturbance. I unfortunately, fall into the criteria for it but my only saving grace (so far) has been that I haven’t been able to walk to my destination of choice to kill myself. The criteria does exclude some stuff but not medical conditions, such as chronic physical pain. This is the information I am waiting on before I write my thoughts on this new diagnosis they are proposing.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders, suicide, suicide attempt and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Hang Over

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    I hope the birthday dinner went well. xx

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