Pain O’Clock Arises Again

Pain O’clock arises again

I spent most of the day in bed. I woke up really early this morning, in pain, so I took some meds to help and went back to sleep. I woke up in time for my therapy appointment. It was tough. She almost sectioned me as she gave me a choice of whether or not she could provide transportation or I could take myself to the ER. I told her I wasn’t going to do anything. Pissed me off. Then I said what are we going to do and she is looking into finding a therapist. I have no idea what the fuck that means. Guess I will find out next week.

After therapy, I had to use the bathroom. My mother made a fucking insulting comment as I walked by. Fucking hate her when she does that. Then I had the left over bacon she made and some cranberry cake. I could have finished off the cake but I wanted to save room for the popcorn shrimp for later.

When I got back to my room, my ankle and toes started their rigmarole. I took my meds and my antipsychotic because I didn’t want to forget again. I am cursing my therapist for making me stop my plan for tomorrow. I thought I would be able to go out to pick up my prescription but I will be too drugged up soon to walk a straight line, much less go back down the stairs and out the door. I will save it for tomorrow. I want to get Reese’s peanut butter cups anyways. I think that is a good reward for not killing yourself.

What was weird about the session is that my therapist didn’t think she could be my therapist anymore. I find this troubling. WTF will I be seeing her for if not for professional reasons? Makes no sense to me. I am all confused. She has it in her mind that someone else would be better if that someone else is face to face. She is going to find that someone. I just hope they take my insurance or I am screwed.

If I feel up to it, I would like to make cranberry muffins tomorrow. It all depends on how my pain levels go the rest of tonight and if I sleep. I can’t believe my pain syndrome has changed to day time hours now. Fuck. It’s just depressing that I am in pain whenever my ankle or toes feel like it. It’s hard to control that kind of pain when there is no rhyme or reason to it. I took some Ativan so my PTSD doesn’t shoot up. Once I get anxious, it’s hard to settle down and nap. I just get restless.

any thoughts?

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