chronic pain and being lazy

Chronic pain and being lazy

I woke up at 7 in pain. I took my meds and within an hour, it toned down. I took the opportunity to take a much needed shower. I then made breakfast after I finished getting dressed. While I was making my coffee, I started to feel dizzy, but not the dizziness I have experienced in the past. I drank my coffee and it put me to sleep so I took a nap for a couple of hours. I woke up to my med app telling me it was time to take my meds so I turned over and took them. The dizziness was gone and so was my energy levels. I was completely wiped out.

I had to pack my suitcase for tomorrow’s admission. I was hoping to find a journal that is missing that was in my bag that I had my blanket in but it wasn’t there. I have no idea where this journal went. It’s really bugging me. Anyway, I finished packing and then noticed I forgot to pack my slippers. I’ll stuff them in later. The blanket took up most of the room in my suitcase as it’s just a carryon type. I was able to fit my clothes and stuff so that was good. Now I just need to fit my slippers and I will be all set. I still need to make my backpack “hospital safe”, which means I got to take out anything that could potentially be considered a sharp or a hazard. It’s a pain in the ass. It shouldn’t take me too long as I think the only thing that is compromised is my bottle of aspirin for my headaches. Everything else should be okay. I still need to pack some Powerade bottles and water. I’ll see if I can stuff them in the suitcase as the backpack will just hurt my back.

I plan on leaving early tomorrow morning before people are up. If I get there early, I hopefully won’t be waiting too long. Though last time I still had to wait like 15 hours before I was transferred. It was a long day. I hope tomorrow isn’t too long and I don’t get a moron doc that thinks I don’t need to be in the hospital because I came in before I did something. Some medical doctors are so judgmental.

I had emailed my neurologist to refill my Neurontin. I specifically told her I wanted 600 mg tabs twice a day. What does she do? She refilled my previous prescription so I got 300 mg caps three times a day. WTF. I am so mad. They better not try to give me 300 mg three times a day in the hospital. I don’t take it that way. Last night, I carefully wrote out how I take my meds. Hopefully the hospital staff listens to me rather than what is actually ordered. Otherwise I will be a fucking zombie while in the hospital. Just got an email saying my prescription is ready. Wonder if I should pick it up or just wait till I am home from the hospital. I’ll wait. I don’t feel like going out. I really just want to go back to sleep.

I haven’t had lunch or dinner. I might have the last piece of pumpkin cake as both. I don’t know what my mother is planning on making for dinner. Probably the bean soup she made yesterday. I don’t want that. I wish I had deep dish pizza but I think the last box is in the basement freezer. I’m not that desperate to get it as that means going outside. I have no idea if there will be snow near the entrance or not. I don’t want to find out. I’ll probably have the cake and then if I get hungry later, I’ll make some toast or something. I got to remember to pack some protein bars with me so I don’t have to buy food while I wait. They serve you lunch but you got to ask for it and last time I didn’t get dinner so I was really hungry when I got to the psych hospital. I’ll get breakfast at Starbucks so I will have something in my stomach. I will need my espresso so I stay up.

I really want to sleep but I need to finish my tasks so I am just ready to go in the morning. I hate feeling lazy and sleepy. I had emailed my psych last night in a fit of despair. Pain was driving me nuts and I had to take the strong pain pill to quiet things down. Even then it took a while for it to work. I haven’t heard back from my psych.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to chronic pain and being lazy

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    I hope your ok, I’m behind on posts again. If your in the hospital, I hope its not too difficult and things are going well for you. Sending all my love xoxox

  2. You are very welcome my friend ♡

  3. G. Collerone says:

    Thank you for your understanding

  4. My dear friend I do not think you are lazy I think when you have chronic pain nobody knows how exhausting it can be and getting through a day is hard enough. Don’t beat yourself up by saying you are lazy I know you try really hard but some days you can only do what you can do and that’s okay xo (big hug)

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