Painful Friday

Painful Friday

I woke up in pain, again. Normally, I can “ignore” it and go about my day but today it was really bad. I still tried to do things, like make breakfast, brush my teeth, cook lunch but it was at a cost. I didn’t go out today because I just felt really bad. Around 1400, I was getting sleepy and debating on getting dressed to get espresso. I decided to make coffee instead. It was good and it kept the drowsiness away, least for now.

Being in pain has darkened my mood. By noon, I wanted to kill myself really bad. I had to take a strong pain pill because the regular pills didn’t work and the pain was worsening. I tried to go back to sleep but I hurt too much. It’s really exhausting being in pain. I felt like calling my psychiatrist but I didn’t want to worry her.

I have been on Twitter most of the day, waiting on the outcome of the healthcare vote. They should be voting on it now so results should be in soon. I hope they don’t vote for Trumpcare. It doesn’t sound like it will cover anything useful and will just cost people to be more broke than they already are. The vote is in: they have shut it down! ACA stays!! Whoohoo!!

The therapist I called earlier this week still has not called me back. I am going to call her again on Monday and see if I can see her. Otherwise, it’s back to square one. I am getting more and more depressed with each passing of therapists. I find it hard to believe that between a radius of 5 miles, no one is accepting new clients. It is so frustrating.

Today’s my father’s birthday. I posted somethings on Facebook to remember him. Tomorrow my sisters and I are going to a track to spread his ashes. The weather is supposed to be warm. I just hope it’s not windy. That will suck.

My mother is making pasta for supper. I haven’t had it in a while so I might eat it. I am not really hungry as the coffee killed my appetite. Tomorrow I need to make my gravy early as we will be going out in the afternoon. It should take 2-3 hours to cook so if I get up by 9, it should be done by 12. I can’t wait. I love making gravy. Pasta was on sale this week so I bought a bunch of what I like. I will have it tomorrow night. I am not telling my sisters I am making gravy or there won’t be any left for the week! I am not planning on making a big batch as I don’t have that much meat. I still need to go to the butcher’s and get hamburgers. I will do that on Monday. I hope my ankle pain is down by then.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Painful Friday

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    I hope you got through your fathers birthday ok. I am sending positivity and good thoughts your way. Is the gravy like a sauce for pasta? like a meat sauce? xx

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