cold day but I’m hot

Cold day but I’m hot

It was hot in my room, even with the ceiling fan and window open. I decided to empty my recycles as they were getting a little out of hand. It’s been a while since I took them down to the bin we have. I had to use a big trash bag and I was sweating by the time I was done putting all of them in. My back was killing me too from reaching to grab those that I threw but missed the bin that I have in my room. I don’t know why I bother throwing them. I miss 90% of the time.

I had made breakfast before I got dressed and did the recycles. Unfortunately, I had spilled my juice because my hands were greasy from the bacon and the glass slipped from my hand. I had to wash the floor so it wouldn’t be sticky. I was cursing because I should have wiped my hands before reaching for the glass. Oh well, live and learn, right?

I plan on making my Nantucket Cranberry cake today. I can’t wait as I love making it. I have the cranberries thawing out as they were frozen. I am going to take a slice to my psychiatrist on Friday. She hasn’t had it yet. My mother told me she will be making pork fried rice. I am NOT looking forward to it because the pork is almost a week old. YUCK. I might just eat the rice and skip the pork.

My pain is minimal today. After breakfast, I went to Starbucks to have my espresso. I put in the soy milk like I always do and unfortunately, it curdled so I couldn’t finish it. I ended up getting a caramel macchiato so to have caffeine. I am wired. I should have complained so I could get a free drink but I hate making a fuss.

I had a hard time writing in my journal while I was there. I just couldn’t get going. I only wrote about a page before I ended up leaving it to catch the bus home. The bus was a little late in leaving but I didn’t mind. I was listening to Record year on repeat. I had to listen to it because I heard a Chris Young song that made me think of my therapist and that just got me missing her. I still haven’t heard back from the therapist I called yesterday. I hope she calls me today though it’s getting later so maybe not.

While I was at Starbucks and thinking of stuff to write, I ordered a new foam topper for my bed. The one that I have is falling apart as it’s more than 10 years old. It also doesn’t really support me the way it used to. I hope the newer one works just as well. I was going to get a gel foam topper but I heard gel can cause you to heat up and I hate feeling hot. I went with one that was under $60 so I hope it’s worth it. I also ordered RENT cd to replace what I have. I seemed to have misplaced disc 2 and I really want to hear it. Watch me find it after getting the new CD. Isn’t that how it usually works?

I was talking with my cousin who has depression. She is having side effects from her medication and her psych put her on a brand new med. I am weary about switching and I warned her about potential side effects from my experience and what I read from the prescribing information. It’s a med that will not be right for me because I don’t do well with SSRI’s usually. Zoloft is the exception. I have been on it for a little over a year and it hasn’t made me sick, yet. I get occasional nausea but I think it’s because of post nasal drip/allergies. I need to use Flonase more often to keep it from happening, especially with the blooms that are going to be happening. The trees in my neighborhood I am allergic to and will sneeze my head off if I smell them. I don’t know what kind of trees they are but they form white flowers before they turn to leaves. The flowers give off a scent that I am allergic to. I hate flowers anyway but these kill me every year. There is a new antihistamine on the market that I am thinking of switching to as the Allegra just isn’t working as well as it used to. I am going to try it and see how it works for me. It is expensive though, like all new drugs are. Maybe I can get a prescription for it. I will ask my doc when I see him. I still have a close to a full bottle of Allegra so want to use it up before I switch.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

One thought on “cold day but I’m hot”

  1. I think those trees are Bradford Pear. They bloom even before the Cherry Blossoms. I think they are beautiful 🌳🌳 And I love flowers 🌷🌸🌹🌺🌼🌻

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