Random 955

Random 955

I woke up twice in the middle of the night. The first time, I was able to get back to sleep fairly quickly. The second time I woke up around 0530 and was in severe pain so couldn’t go back to sleep right away. I still am in pain but it’s not as severe. I took a nap and then had lunch. I had time to catch the bus, even though I felt shitty. I went out anyways just to get out.

I got to Starbucks and had my espresso. I started writing and then after a few paragraphs, I was feeling sick. I had to go home. My mother needed a birthday card so I went to CVS before going to the bus terminal. I must have been out for maybe 45 minutes or so. It was cold and raining by the time I got off the bus. Luckily, there was no trouble walking home.

I still feel like I could sleep for a hundred years and still be tired. My room has cooled off considerably and I am glad. I couldn’t stand the heat. I finally shut off the ceiling fan but I still got the window open. The temp is dropping so I know the heat is going to kick on again. I should have bought a burrito before leaving the Square. I don’t know what I am going to make for supper. I might make some pasta with my sauce. I wanted to have it for lunch but I was too groggy to cook. I still am but the coffee helped to wake me up a little bit.

I was able to shower today. I took it while I had a break in pain. It didn’t last long but long enough to wash and rinse. Drying was tough as my foot started to act up. I thought at least twice I was going to lose my balance as I was getting dressed. Damn feet did not want to go through the holes to let my boxers on. It’s so frustrating that I have to shove them in on one foot and pray I don’t fall in the process or rip the material.

Hard to believe baseball starts next week and the temps haven’t been above 50. It’s going to be really cold at the start of the season. We start off playing the Pirates, which is interleague play. I don’t know why they are starting so early this year. Usually it’s a month or two after the season begins. But I rather get them out of the way now so we just have one league to deal with by the end of the season. Least I hope so as I haven’t looked at the schedule so I could be wrong. I should be excited but I am not. It’s great that I will have a game nearly every night to listen or watch but so far this spring, I really haven’t been paying close attention. Maybe that will change once the schedule/rotation is set up (player wise). During spring training games, the regular players don’t play so it’s like why bother watching/listening. You got some no name playing second base that isn’t going to be there come Opening day. Useless. And Mr. $30 Million/year is hurt so won’t be playing. I have a feeling he is going to milk his injury and be out most of the season. Some competitive guy he is, NOT. He was placed on the 10 day DL (disabled list) but it has been more than that so why hasn’t he been throwing?? Can’t stand him. Hated the deal he got and hated him more when he couldn’t produce in the post season.

I called the therapist that I called last week. I think the message didn’t go through so I tried again as I didn’t hear back from her. I hope she does call me back in a day or so. I was looking at her website and found she is trained in different modalities that are right up my alley. If the chemistry is right, we might just work out, if she is taking on new clients. I will be so sad if she doesn’t work out and I need to find someone else, again. She has two offices, one in Boston and one in Cambridge, which is close to where I live. Either is accessible by public transportation though the one in Boston might be a little trickier, only because I have to take the bus and train. Please readers, send me good vibes she works out and has the time to see me!

I think I am going to take another nap rather than make something to eat. Without trying, I lost five pounds, which I can only guess is because I haven’t been taking Neurontin in a few days. I swear just taking this meds adds weight on. My ankle is acting up again despite me taking some pain meds when I got home. I hope I don’t have to take the strong pain pill again. I had to take one this morning to quiet down the severe pain I was having.

My week is free again. Only appointment I have is with my psychiatrist on Friday. Kind of makes me lazy as I don’t have to get up and go places. It’s so easy to stay in bed or at home. I hope the weather is better tomorrow, least a little warmer. I should start reading the CBT book I have about suicide attempters. I have been carrying it around in my bag since I bought it. I think I might have read the introduction and that was it. It’s a clinical book so can be a little technical at times. But it’s not over my head, least I hope not. I have some clue about CBT, though it’s been ages since I read about it. I have another book that is about cognitive therapy that I want to get to some time this year. I am still reading Robert Lowell, so when I am done with that book, maybe I will go back to reading clinical material.

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About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Random 955

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    wow good job on the weight loss. way to go! sometimes a nice few days where you don’t have to go anywhere or do anything is nice too. xxx

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