So Effin Tired

So effin tired

Last night, again, I woke up in the middle of the night and was up for a couple of hours, unable to get back to sleep. I had a bowl of cereal and then I was able to sleep for a few hours. I am totally exhausted and don’t want to do shit today. I had to place a few phone calls today but I’m in no mood to talk to anyone. I will call tomorrow.

I just emailed my psychiatrist. I just feel so sad that I don’t have anyone else to vent to, other than my blog. While I was up in the middle of the night, I opened my window because my room was much too warm. I have it at a comfortable temp right now, as long as the heat doesn’t kick on again. It’s raining today so I am keeping an eye on the window to make sure no water comes in. That wouldn’t be good.

I haven’t eaten anything since getting up about a half hour ago. I was trying to go back to sleep but my foot was having none of it. Then the birds and a dog was making noise. I just gave up. I just want to lie down as sitting up is giving me a headache. I just don’t feel well because of my lack of sleep, or rather, interrupted sleep.

I still feel sad over seeing my aunt not so well yesterday. I wish there was something I could do to make her better but she is old and there is nothing really that can be done. I know one day she is no longer going to be with us, and that hurts me. I just love her so much.

I can’t believe how much my ankle/foot is hurting me today. It might be because of the weather or all the cooking I did yesterday afternoon. But I didn’t do anything today as I really haven’t left my bed except to go to the bathroom. I took my pain meds and am waiting for them to work. Seems I am always waiting for meds to work. It’s tiring. I am so fed up with it.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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