Month: March 2017

This is the pain that never ends…

I have been in pain all damn day. My tolerance for it is slowly diminishing. I haven’t been too active today but it doesn’t care. I did manage to take a shower, which my back didn’t like. It kept on cramping on me. I am ready to call UNCLE and take my strong pain pill. I take my meds in about 45 mins so I will decide then whether or not to take it. I just came up the stairs so my foot/ankle are angry with me.

I got the tail end of BPD chat on twitter. I met another transgender person so I followed him and he followed me back. He is also a writer, which is cool. I hope we can become friends. It would be nice to have another TG person to talk to about the issues we face.

I read a little more than a chapter in the Robert Lowell book. He has an interesting history dating back to the Mayflower. I love reading about people that have such detailed ancestors dating way back. I don’t know much about my lineage. And unfortunately, with my father gone, there is no way of knowing. I know I can go to like Ancestry.com but it’s not the same when it’s handed down from generation to generation. There are a lot of cousins in Italy and France that I know of but they don’t know me and I don’t know them. It’s kind of sad. I don’t speak either language so that makes it harder to keep the lines of communication open.

I have been tired for most of the day. I have so far avoided taking a nap. It will be bed time soon so I can go to sleep then. I hope I can sleep. Pain is usually the number one reason to keep me up more than my thoughts. And the way my ankle and toes are feeling right now, I doubt I will be able to sleep. It’s a gnawing type of pain that goes right into my bones. And I just realized I haven’t done my med box for the week. SHIT! I totally forgot. I guess I will take them on the fly tonight and then fill it tomorrow. I can’t stand too long to fill the box. My ankle will kill me the way it’s hurting right now.

Other than calling three therapists tomorrow, I have no other plans. It’s supposed to be warmer so I might go to Starbucks to write. I have to get a frappucino to complete my stars reward. Tomorrow is the last day as I forgot to get one on Friday. I like the rewards because you get to get free stuff faster. I also need to get some coffee for the house. I got half a bag or less of Pike so need to get it before I run out. I love Pike coffee. I used to get their breakfast blend coffee but I think I am just going to stick with Pike as I am so used to it. When I don’t have it, I can tell right away that it’s different. I hope the spring brings in new flavors of their Reserve coffees. I haven’t seen one that I like yet. I got an email from Starbucks the other day that had notes of apricot. No thanks! I like apricot as a fruit, not in my coffee.

Saturday Blog 76

I’ve been having a rough day. It’s very cold out and my ankle is going berserk. I was fine when I got up but a few up and downs the stairs made my ankle hurt and I haven’t been able to get the pain under control. The pain is not too severe, but it is annoying.

I made breakfast this morning and coffee. Then I decided to read. I don’t know what happened but after I finished my coffee, I fell asleep while reading. It was odd because I have never had that happen to me before. Usually I will feel sleepy and then stop reading, put the book away, shut the light and go lie down. Not this time. I was asleep sitting up when I came to. Funny but kind of scary. Guess all the meds I took last night to quite my pain weren’t all out of my system. I am still tired but haven’t been able to nap.

I ordered Chinese food for supper. When I went to pick it up downstairs, I noticed the mail came and my new glasses were delivered. I am trying to get used to them. The prescription has changed so I need to get used to them. I will wear them for a few hours and then stop wearing them for a little while. Maybe I will nap.

I haven’t gone back to my reading. I am in the middle of a chapter so I need to finish. I am so tired though. I took my meds early last night and I still didn’t fall asleep till after midnight. Damn pain kept me up. I hope to do some reading before bed to finish that chapter. I am reading Kay Redfield Jamison’s new book about Robert Lowell. It’s pretty interesting so far. It’s a thick book so it’s going to take me some time to get through it.

I just got what I thought would be the last statement from my therapist. I opened it to see how much I owe so I can pay it off. I was fucking shocked to find that it’s over $15,000!! I looked over the statement and it doesn’t look like they have been charging my insurance AT ALL! So I have been billed her regular charge of $125 per session. I am pissed and won’t send her another dime until it gets straightened out. I sent her a text so hopefully she calls her billing and fixes this error.

Our heating system is messed up. One of the radiators isn’t working so my brother in law turn the heat all the way up to see if he could get it on. My room is a sauna right now. I have the fan turned on high to cool off. They have lowered the heat but it’s still hot in my room. Going to take a while for it to cool down. It’s wicked cold out and I wish I could open my window to let some of the cold air in. I hate being hot!