Blah Rainy Tuesday

Blah rainy Tuesday

I woke up early in pain. I took meds and basically went back to sleep until the afternoon. I thought about getting dressed and going out but it was raining and I hate being out in the rain. It’s fine if I am not going anywhere or if I absolutely need to go out, but I didn’t meet that criteria so I just stayed home. I made coffee when I got up and finished the last piece that was in the cake dish of my Nantucket cranberry cake. It was good with coffee. I have two pieces left, the pieces I was supposed to take with me yesterday to my psych appt. Oh well.

My psych emailed me some centers that I can try. One is a definite no as it’s a women’s health center that mostly deals with domestic violence. The one that is in my town, I left a message and am waiting for a callback. I don’t think they will take me because of my suicidal history but we’ll see. The other place I am not familiar with and is in Cambridge. I googled them and they primarily do CBT work. I don’t know if I want to go down that avenue, yet. My last resort psychologist I just left a message because I was feeling gutsy. If he doesn’t call me back, at least I tried.

I feel really depressed today and I don’t know why. I made two phone calls. One to the therapy place and the other to set up a memorial mass for my father. I really didn’t want to do this but my sister has a weird way of doing things so I just said I will do it. My middle sister then wants me to call to see if the mass will be in Creole. I didn’t ask and the guy didn’t say. She pissed me off. She can call and find out if it’s that important to her. Around this time last year, my father was in the hospital for the last time before going to a nursing home to die. I vividly remember this. This is going to be a tough month for me.

I am not as sore as I thought I would be, which is good. Last night, I tried a new antihistamine and it was a disaster. I had so many side effects from it that it was horrible. I am never taking it again. I had to take a lot of Ativan to get relief from the anxiety it gave me. I didn’t go to sleep until after 0200. I will just stick with allegra and Flonase.

I bought the CD to the musical Hamilton. I started listening to it this afternoon. After a half hour or so I had to stop it. I didn’t like it at all. It was rap stuff and I can’t stand rap. It just makes hearing what they are saying difficult. Some people can understand it, I can’t. It just sounds awful. I am back listening to my country music.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Blah Rainy Tuesday

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    I am sorry your depressed. its not surprising given the triggers of this month. ihope one of those therapists calls you back and takes you on. xx

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