when you want a burrito but GrubHub is too expensive…

When you want a burrito but GrubHub is too expensive

I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich when I got up around noon. I made coffee afterwards and had a butterbeer cookie that I made. It was good but now my tastes are turning towards Mexican and I want a burrito. Unfortunately, GrubHub was too expensive and I wasn’t sure what kind of meat “Muchaka” is. I wasn’t going to pay $30 for two items when I can get more than that at Chipotle. So in an hour, I will go to the Square to get my burrito fix.

It’s kind of good that I will be going to the Square because I can get some ground beef to make my dirty gravy on Monday. I would make it tomorrow but I am going to my Aunt’s house and I just don’t have time. My mother just made a gravy but she froze most of it. I really would love to have penne pasta with my sauce.

I’ll probably got to Starbucks to write after I eat. I still haven’t showered and I really don’t want to. I just feel really blah and my foot/ankle is a mess. It’s really bothering me so I know that standing is going to be painful. It most likely will exhaust me so I will try and take it tonight so it might help me sleep. I had a shitty sleep last night, waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep.

This month is Pride month and I so want to tell my mother I am trans. Monday I plan on talking to my therapist about going forward with transition. I am just afraid my mother will flip out and kick me out of the house. I know that is my fear and there is a 45% chance she would. I am just afraid it will further strain our relationship. I am just tired of being called “her” and “miss” or “missy”. It just hurts and drives my suicidal drivers.

More later…

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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