when you wake up at 0100

When you wake up at 0100

I woke up around 0100 because of pain and allergies. My nose was stuffed up and my eyes were tearing. I took some Flonase and pain meds for my foot. I just put in eye drops so my eyes don’t feel so sticky. I can’t go back to sleep. I am awake. I was dreaming about something to do with arachnoiditis. It’s a painful condition in which the nerves are clumped in the spine. It can happen anywhere and it usually caused by steroid injections in the back. One of the many reason I will never have an injection in my back is because of the risk of this condition, that and the fact it’s not going to help. The evidence is mounting that epidural steroid injection are becoming useless despite the pain doctors continuing to practice this. They rather do that than write a prescription because it cost more to have an injection than write out a piece of paper.

I don’t know why I was dreaming about this condition. I guess it was the last thing I looked at before I went to sleep. Sometimes that will happen. It’s so weird.

I took a strong pain pill to help with my foot pain. I also took an Ativan to try and calm me down some because I am just freaking out over being in pain. It’s so bad that I just want to die. I guess I am going to be sleeping today as I am going to be up half the night. I wasn’t planning on doing anything today anyways. I need to rest my ankles. I did a lot this week and I am paying for it.

My psych told me that my PCP did send off the referral to the CRPS specialist, but because of the new “wonderful” system, she is not sure when they will get back to me. I don’t have my hopes up and I am not looking forward to seeing her anyways. I am just done with docs and I know she isn’t going to do much for me other than either say that I have CRPS or I don’t. I will be devastated if she says I don’t because if I don’t, what the fuck do I have? I know the swelling isn’t severe like most cases of CRPS. People in the Facebook group that I belong to show their ankles and the swelling is unreal. In some people, they don’t even have an ankle it’s just a leg and a foot! I might just have a mild case of it. I know there are different grades of the syndrome. But something has to be causing me this pain. And I refuse to believe that pain meds are increasing my pain because if that was the case, why the fuck did I wake up from a sound sleep in bone crushing pain hours after I took my meds? Just doesn’t make sense to me.

Today is my uncle’s birthday. He died 11 years ago. He was my favorite uncle. He was funny and kind. I miss him a lot. I hope he has good cake up where he is. His favorite saying was “for Christ’s sake”.

After I had my Chinese food for dinner, I had raspberries. NEVER again. The burps were horrible and upset my stomach. I thought I was going to throw up. Thankfully, some antacid made it go away. I’m never going to buy raspberries again. They just aren’t very good and the seeds get stuck in my teeth. I like the jam better, seedless jam. I bought it on my last grocery order so I can make it with peanut butter. It’s really good. I might have it for breakfast later today.

I really need to shower today. Even though I don’t have much hair, I need to wash it as it’s itchy. I last took a shower Tuesday night so it’s been a while. Sox lost again. I hope the next two games with Baltimore are the last for the season. It’s been rough playing with them. Seems we have been playing them all season long. One of my favorite new pitchers was placed on the disabled list (DL) yesterday because he hurt his knee. He is out the next 10 days. I don’t know who is going to take his place in the rotation. The Sox are really hurting for starting pitchers. They still have a winning record, for now but if they continue to lose games, they won’t.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to when you wake up at 0100

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    I hope the pain specialist can tell you something useful at least even if she cant do something useful. You deserve answers! xx

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