Wicked hot Sunday

Wicked hot Sunday

The temps are in the 90s and I am miserable. I briefly went to a family event, where I was driving and it took all the energy out of me because I was stuck in traffic. The family event was near a popular beach so I knew there would be traffic, which is why I got the zipcar longer than I originally planned. I made it home with 45 minutes to spare once I hit the main road. I had a good time, the few hours I spent at my cousin’s. But my pain levels shot up and I had to leave. It was much too hot for me to be in the heat. Even while I was in the AC’d car, my neuropathy flared. That was fun.

I totally miscalculated my pain meds and if I don’t have my script ready tomorrow, I will run out come Tuesday. The script is for 28 days and it always messes me up by a few days. I don’t know why they just can’t give you a 30 day supply of meds. But I don’t make the rules. I have to abide by them. I think the heat wave should be over by Tuesday but it could be another 80 degree or more day. I am glad I had my brother in law put in the AC when he did or I would be dead. The nerve injury makes me totally intolerant of heat and it’s gotten worse every year. I mostly stay in my room because it’s the only room with AC. The rest of the house is hot and I just can’t deal.

The game is on late today, which sucks. Last night, I didn’t think I was going to make it. It was more than 4 hours and they just went 9 innings. Detroit pitching was so damn slow. We still won though, 11-3. I had a hard time falling asleep after the game. I wasn’t in too much pain until I laid down. Then my foot went berserk and the suicidal urges came back. I had a relatively low pain weekend, so I was thinking I didn’t need to go to the hospital tomorrow. Now I am rethinking those thoughts. I had emailed my psych about it. I always have a hard time coming to the decision to go in because I know my meds get screwed up more than how I am treated. Other than keeping me from acting on my urges, I don’t see a benefit to the aggravation of a med screw up.

I don’t have therapy this week because I cancelled. After last week’s session, I just couldn’t handle another week of him not being there for me. I just feel unsupported by him, something that I never thought I would say about a therapist. In all the years I have been going to therapy, this is the most unsupported I have felt. In many ways, I’d like my old therapist back. Least I knew she cared.

I took my night meds early because I am wicked tired. I don’t think I will be staying up to hear about the game. I want to go to bed early. The game usually winds me up and I find it hard to sleep afterwards, especially as I know they will be playing well past 2300. Much too late as I run the risk of being up all night. I get my second wind and it’s all down hill after that.

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