long day and still no internet services

Long day and still no internet service

I finally fell asleep around 0200 and then woke up at 0600 for some reason. I was half asleep so not sure if I had to use the bathroom or what but I went back to sleep until my alarm went off. I didn’t want to get up but I had to shave my head and shower. I had gotten in the habit of shaving the sides and back of my head. It feels good and I like it. Unfortunately, I don’t do a great job in the back as it is uneven but I don’t care. I mostly wear a hat so no one will really see it.

I caught the 11 bus and it was on time, which is shocking. I stayed at Starbucks until it was time to leave for my psych appt. I had breakfast and wrote in my journal while drinking my espresso. It was really good as the weather was cool but a little muggy. The sun kept going in and out, threatening to rain but it didn’t until I came home.

I saw my psych and we had a good talk. I told her about my therapist and how I am not sure I am going to stick with him. She encouraged me to talk to him about my concerns. I am kind of nervous about it because I never had to tell someone how I want to be treated so this is new to me. I told her I would try and then let her know as she would be interested in what he has to say.

As I was walking back to the train station, my Achilles flared up. Not too bad, but enough that I had to limp. Luckily I didn’t have to wait too long for the train. I got to the Square and went to the butcher shop to get burgers for dinner. I was starving. The bus was late and I was getting angry as I was so hungry. Then the bus came and there was traffic down the street we needed to go down. I just wanted to go home! Soon as I was near my house, the rain started so I made it home just in time.

My mother had taken out some ground beef, which I didn’t notice on the counter earlier. We used that and I will use my burgers tomorrow. Both my ankles are hurting me and I took my pain meds when I got to my room. After I ate, I called Verizon to find out why I still had no internet. Apparently, there is some problem with my account as it is still pending and they don’t know why. Just lovely. So until it’s resolved, I have to use my phone’s hotspot to have the net on my laptop. I am using data like crazy. I try not to be on my laptop too long as I use my phone for most things, but my phone doesn’t like to refresh Facebook and that is annoying as I get the same stories for the past few days rather than what is going on today. I also notice when I post and then refresh, my post goes away. It’s annoying me. Twitter is so much better.

For my blog readers, I apologize for not keeping up with your blogs while I have no net services. My phone is terrible at getting them through the WordPress app. I’ll try and check them after I publish this blog and comment on them.

I am very tired. Even after I drank my espresso, I was ready for a nap. Pain has really been interrupting my sleep and/or causing me to go to bed later than I would like to. I am not going to do anything for the rest of the night except to possibly listen to the game. I lasted through to the 8th inning last night and then all hell broke lose with my foot so I turned it off. I thought I would sleep but I couldn’t get comfortable. I was having so many different kinds of pain that I was so fed up, I didn’t know how to ease it. I wrote to my psych to vent as I was so frustrated. I really wanted to just take something that would kill myself or amputate my ankle.

This Sunday is Father’s Day. It’s the 2nd year without my father. I seriously never thought I would miss him so much. I thought I would just be glad he was gone but it’s not exactly a comforting thought when they actually are. I still remember one day when he was showing affection and hugged me lovingly. It had to have been the first time in a LONG time that he did this. I was taken aback by it. It will always stick out in my mind because he was gone not even six months later. It’s hard not having him there anymore. No more lengthy doctor appointments or scheduling this or that with him. It’s just weird not having him around.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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