pain rant 3

Pain rant 3

I left my bed and as I was taking the sheets off my foot, my big toe didn’t like it. The whole foot exploded in pain. There went the plans I had with my sister to go out for dinner. I had a frozen dinner for a late lunch and then a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner. My foot and ankle pain has been off the charts. I had to take a strong pain pill. It still hasn’t settled down and I took it about 4 hours ago.

The game is about to start soon. I hope it will distract me from the pain. I have been draining my phone’s battery as I still don’t have internet so been using my phone for social media. I only connect to the hotspot if I need to. I hope to have my net back tomorrow, or at least a phone call as to why it is still off.

I wrote out a few things I wanted to discuss with my therapist tomorrow. I thought the list would be longer but it was essentially three things. I wrote them in my phone so I wouldn’t have to bring in paper. Depending on the first question, which is does he care, I will then go to my next question. If he doesn’t care, there is no point in continuing the conversation.

My thoughts have been really in the toilet. It’s hot in the house so I barely leave my room, except to use the bathroom or get something to eat, which just causes me pain going up and down the stairs. I feel like I am confined and it doesn’t feel good. I hope my pain is down by tomorrow so I can see my therapist but it’s going to be hotter and more humid. I hate this kind of weather. I really hate summer.

I really just want to die because it would be better than living this life of pain every single day and night. I just am losing my patience with it. I can’t tolerate it anymore. Only relief I get is when I sleep because I am exhausted.

Just went to the bathroom for the hundredth time today. I don’t know why my bladder gets so damn full as I haven’t been drinking a lot of fluids today. I know I probably should in this heat but it causes me to leak more so I don’t drink. I think I found out why my big toe hurts me all the time. I have a tendon that is popping up. I can’t move my toes downward because of my nerve injury. I can move it up but not down, least the big toe anyway. I’ll have to go back to the foot doc and see what they say. I am sure nothing will be done and they will just tell me to keep doing what I have been doing (which is just take my pain meds and hope the pain goes away). I am tired of that bullshit. It gets old so quickly.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to pain rant 3

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    i hope the docs can do something, its so hard to be in constant pain and agony. I really feel for you. Keep me posted on how therapy goes tomorrow. x

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