relieved and other things

Relieved and other things

I had a difficult morning waking up. My sister, who is still in Italy, called me this morning, waking me up. She wanted to talk to my mother. I told her she had already left for my Aunt’s house and wasn’t home. I fell back to sleep until my mother called me. It was good that she did because I needed to be up. She wanted some antibiotic ointment and I told her I would get it today.

I went to Starbucks and had a sandwich with my espresso. I wrote in my journal until it was time to leave. I went to CVS to get my mother the ointment. I wanted to get my T pass at the station but the line was too long. I decided to get it as I got off my stop.

I was early for my appointment. I wore light shorts so I could be weighed. I lost 6 pounds since my last weigh in, which was at least a few months ago. I felt good about that. The resident saw me and then after she felt the lump, quickly left for the attending, which made me nervous. She didn’t say anything good or bad, just left in a hurry. My doc came in and examined me. He said it was just fat, a lipoma, which is nothing to worry about unless it grows. I felt so relieved I almost left my bag behind! I left the office and made my way to the station.

It was really muggy once I left the AC’d hospital. I was sweating by the time I walked to the station. I emailed my psych to let her know what my doc had found. I also let one of my friends know and she was relieved as well.

I came home and it was just in time for my bowels to unleash. Another minute and it would have been in my pants. I asked my mother if she wanted Chinese food for supper and she did. I bought it from my favorite places, though they were skimpy on the fried rice. It was good, though I wasn’t a fan of their lo mein. It tasted funny.

My mother asked me to change her bandages. She had pustules on her legs, at least a half dozen of them. I hope the antibiotic ointment helps her. I told her if it doesn’t get better to go back to the doctor. She waved me off like I didn’t know what I was talking about. You can’t tell my mother nothing these days.

I felt like getting an iced coffee at Starbucks while I was waiting for the bus. I didn’t get it. Now I wished I did. I am so sleepy and it’s too early to take my night meds and go to sleep. I hate humid weather as it just makes me sleepy. It’s really hot in the house and I don’t want to make coffee like I did last night. Just having dinner, I was sweating. I don’t know how my mother can stand the heat. It drives me nuts.

While I was cleaning up after dinner, I started hearing voices on top of the music in my head. I had to catch myself from speaking to them as my mother was still in the kitchen. I took an extra trilafon to try and quiet them down. I don’t need an incident like last year. Hard to believe that I have been on trilafon for almost a full year now. I hope the extra med helps and doesn’t lead to worsening of voices, than my normal ones. I think the stress of the day caused it and I should be fine tomorrow, I hope. Just wish the damn music in my head would stop.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to relieved and other things

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    glad you got good news about the lump. what a relief! sorry your hearing voices and its bad, hope the extra med helps. x

any thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s