wake up tired and try again

Wake up tired and try again

Voices have started while I was cleaning up after dinner. I was going to respond to them, but my mother was in the kitchen so I couldn’t. Thank god I held my tongue, which is really hard thing to do when you are hearing voices. The music was going on as well and for a minute or two, I could have sworn it was entertaining the voices.

I guess the stress of finding a lump and not knowing what it could be was more than I thought it was. I am really tired from going out to my appointment and being in pain. Now I am listening to an Eric Church song on repeat because I find it soothing and keeps the stuff in my head quiet. I can concentrate.

I emailed my psych to let her know I took a PRN of trilafon to help the voices. If that doesn’t work, I will take an Ativan. If that doesn’t work, I have her on speed dial. I don’t know if she will get the email tonight or not. For some reason my computer is slow and it’s annoying the fuck out of me. Ever since I got the new modem, my Twitter tweets haven’t been refreshing like they did before and Facebook shows the last four days of stuff instead of today.

Sox are losing right now so I am not going to follow the game. I can’t listen to it because the voices will come back. Least the cacophony of music has stopped. I like listening to just one song because it forces my brain to focus on one thing. The song I am listening to is called Mixed Drinks about Feelings. I kind of wish I had some whiskey but that is ok. I can’t drink with my pain meds anyway. It would be too dangerous, not that I am a drinker anyways. I did and still do like a shot every now and then.

My pillow is calling me so I think I will call it a night and hope that a trip to the ER doesn’t happen this weekend. I found yesterday that a childhood friend lost his father yesterday. The wake is tomorrow. I’m not sure if I will be going as it’s in my hometown and I am not sure I can walk in this heat. I will need a haircut as I fucked up my hair shaving my head. Still haven’t mastered it. I will though, one of these days.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to wake up tired and try again

  1. G. Collerone says:

    yeah, it helped. I didn’t sleep until after midnight. I am okay today so I don’t think I will be going to the ER, long as things stay the same

  2. manyofus1980 says:

    i hope a trip to the ER is not going to be in order. I hope you managed some sleep and the voices lessened, glad playing that one song seemed to help some. xx

any thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s