spoonie day completed

Spoonie day completed

I woke up in typical fashion after a night of horrible pain, low pain in the morning. I took advantage and showered. I also made oatmeal pancakes and coffee. I wanted to cut my toenails on that foot but didn’t want to push it. Now it’s impossible because I am flared up again. I got up to get my night meds and boom, my foot went out in pain. Great.

My psych wanted me to page her in the afternoon so I did. Unfortunately, my mother called at the same time she did so she got sent to voicemail. My mother wanted me to make her lunch as she was still hurting with her knee. I made her the sandwich and then paged my psych again. I was expecting a quick callback but nothing. Here it is almost six hours later and nothing. I emailed her to tell her I paged her but never got a response. I am going to email her again in an hour telling her I will be going to bed soon. I sent her a goofy email while I was drugged up with my pain meds and she is worried about me. I read the email this morning and it was not one I normally send. I told her I loved her and some other sentimental things, totally out of character for me.

I’ve been doing some PT stuff, mostly imagery. I haven’t used the app today. I probably will after I write this blog. I didn’t use it yesterday because I just wanted an off day of doing nothing. For the first time this month I had a day off from appointments and leaving the house so just stayed in bed. I was in pain anyway so there wasn’t much I could do. Now I will be on my bed the rest of the night. I hope I can sleep.

I’ve been feeling good despite my flare up just now. It was a relief to have a temporary low pain and still do things. My middle sister dusted and vacuumed for my mother ¾ of the house. She said she will be back in the morning to do the bathroom and kitchen. While she was here, she bitched about her kids and my crazy cousin, who is a kleptomaniac. My 2nd youngest niece hangs with her and I hope doesn’t get involved in the stupidity my cousin pulls. My cousin loves diagnosing people and I can only imagine what shit she has told my niece.

Yay! My psych called me back. Unfortunately, she changed our appt time to the 30th after I told her I was stopping treatment after Oct. I just don’t want any appointments in November for reasons I didn’t tell her. I felt like I bullshitted her while talking for the first time in my life and it didn’t feel good. We talked about the transgender stuff and she told me the hospital will be expanding care in the future for transgender people. That’s cool and about time! Monday I will legally be G Collerone and I hope that will be on my death certificate. That will be very important to me, but then I’ll be dead so I won’t know. I’ll haunt my family if not, haha.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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