Thanksgiving 2017

Thanksgiving 2017

I woke up around 3, my foot still ablaze in pain. I somehow managed to go back to sleep and then woke up at 11. I only got up because my bladder said I had to. Holy pain!! I barely made it to the bathroom. I wanted to brush my teeth but I couldn’t stand too long. I went up to my room and took pain meds. I really just wanted to stay in my bed all day but knew that wouldn’t fly with today being a holiday.

I went back to sleep for a bit. My brother in law never replaced my ceiling fan. He was on call at his work and of course, got called in, three times! Guess there were problems with water heaters. My sister called me to say dinner was ready around 1400. I put the boot on and went to my sister’s. I am glad I didn’t have to leave the house. By the time I came down, everyone had made a plate. I made one and then sat down at the table. My goofy sister wanted everyone to go around and say what we were thankful for. When it was her turn, she kept on being a goof and so was naming everything and anything. The turkey was made by niece. It was ok, though I like when my mother makes it. I later found out she put in a clove of garlic. That was why it tasted different. I was so full for dessert but had a cup of tea and some pumpkin pie. The other pies that my brother in law bought were not good. He said he is going to take them back. I hope he gets a credit for them. They were terrible. The apple pie dough was not cooked!

My mother went upstairs after dessert. We were all just hanging out when we heard a thump. We asked my niece to go upstairs to check on my mother. She was moaning so we all went upstairs. She had tripped over a chair and fell on her knee replacement knee. It bruised up right away. My brother in law helped get her up and then we all helped her to the living room. She won’t be going upstairs to her room tonight. She is really sore. I feel really bad she is hurting so much. I gave her some ibuprofen right away to help with pain and inflammation. She is icing it but can only do it for short periods as it hurts to touch it. She has neuropathy from the diabetes so touching any part of her leg hurts her. I just finished putting a sheet on the couch, getting my mother’s night meds, and her pillow for her. My foot is thanking me in HUGE shocks of pain.

Other than helping my mother around the house tomorrow, I am not planning on doing anything else. I am going to try and stay off my foot or be in the boot if I have to be walking around the house. My foot/ankle just don’t want to move the way they should and if I try to, they hurt like hell.

The radiology report is finally in my online records where I could read it. Doesn’t sound too good. I don’t know if my bones are going to get worse over time or not. Never know with CRPS. I know that it could spread, either up my leg or to other areas of my body or even to my body itself. There are a few people in my UK support group that have it in their organs. It is a very painful condition. It also looks like the “opioid epidemic” is not just in the US but in the UK as well. Someone in the support group said their pain doc just told her her body is “fine” and that she doesn’t need pain meds. Even her GP, who doesn’t know her, cut her pills. I hope she is able to find another doctor that can help her and treat her pain. I would kill myself if I didn’t have the few pills that I have. I know that I want to be put on a longer acting pain medication for night time, but don’t know if I ever will. The chances of me having to increase the strong pain pill dose might happen down the line. I try not to take it but it seems to be helping with this bone pain that isn’t being helped by the regular pain meds. My psychiatrist thinks I should be on methadone for pain control but I really don’t know anyone on it for that. I just know of people with substance use disorders who take it. She has wanted me to be on this drug for a long time. I honestly don’t want to be on it because I don’t think it will help me. I know some people in the UK are on low doses of naltrexone (LDN), which is also used for substance use disorders but in larger doses. I don’t think LDN is used in the US and only certain doctors can prescribe it. What kind of doctors those are, I have no clue. I am guessing substance use treatment doctors, which are a handful of docs. It’s so weird that they want you to be treated for being addicted to opioids, like heroin and illicit Fentanyl, but your primary care doctor cannot prescribe this medicine to treat them. They need to see a specialist or go to a treatment center of some kind to get these meds. And the stigma surrounding addiction furthers prevents seeking help because there is the mentality that it is not a disease, but a character flaw, which is utter bullshit. Addiction is a disease, unfortunate, but with the right help, people can be clean and lead productive lives. Unfortunately, chronic pain patients are the ones suffering because we need the opioids for our pain and do so legally yet are monitored more closely by government officials than doctors. This is because they know heroin, which is an opioid, is not regulated so they can’t go after dealers or those that use it. People don’t go to the pharmacy for those meds. Just sucks because I know one day my meds will be cut off because of politics and my doctor will sign my death certificate. Not the politician, but my doctor who treats my pain. Pisses me off.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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