Really steamed 

I posted on Twitter that my mother was mad at me for not helping with the dishes or laundry today. Sorry, I didn’t sleep all night and I was in a lot of pain. I was used to her calling me useless. But what got me distressed was her calling me “daughter”. Someone I don’t know responded saying she was a mother and it wouldn’t hurt for me to help her. WTF. I responded that I was upset because I was a transgendered male and my mother knows this. Plus I have debilitating pain so stop judging me, asshole. I blocked her after I sent the message as she followed me. Loser. 

I hate it when someone I don’t know responds to my tweets. I have no idea how Twitter works and how people who don’t follow you, sees your tweets. What a jerk. I am so mad.

I keep thinking I have nothing to do on Monday but I have therapy.  I might cancel as Tuesday is going to be a long day. I still got to go to my PCP’s office to pick up my meds. I don’t think I can fill them but I’m going to try. 

I took my night meds early and I’m still awake. My damn foot is hurting so bad. Maybe I will see my doc. I’ll call on Monday for an appt. Maybe something more than CRPS is going on. Not sure what as I haven’t done anything to injure my foot. I need to email the Neuro and find out what he plans on doing, if anything. I am going to ask him about ketamine infusions. That might help me. Might help the depression more. 

My psych responded to the email I sent her. She said maybe my mother and I can support each other. I don’t know how. I did help her up the stairs to her room. The couch didn’t help her back last night. My sisters were talking about putting a bed downstairs for her, especially if she gets her other knee replaced in Jan. I am kind of nervous about it as it will be done at a small hospital. I just worry that between her heart and diabetes, there might be unforeseen complications and the hosp might not be able to deal with it.

I am glad I have this blog to vent my worries and frustrations. Writing really helps.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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