12 Dec and I’m hot as hell as well as mad

12 Dec and I’m hot as hell (as well as mad)

Around 2 pm, I went to my sister’s to get some lunch. My brother in law made some pasta last night so I was going to have that. I left my ceiling fan running. I ate and then went back to my room. HOLY FUCKING HELL. My mother had turned the heat up to 71 so I am roasting. There was a burning smell coming from the ceiling fan. Now I am stuck with just the window being open. It is not that cold out! I am so damn mad. I got to tell my mother not to turn the heat up so fucking high. I am also mad at my brother in law for not replacing the fan this weekend. He BETTER do it this weekend or I will hire someone!

I spent the morning getting my laptop in order. I successfully loaded the recovery disk for Win 10 onto my USB drive. I then called Canon to figure out how to install the drivers for my printer. It took about 10 mins and I was kicking myself for not thinking of doing what she said to do. That being done, the next project was reinstalling Office and then McAfee. Both took a long time to install. I have 6 GB of memory left on my laptop. I still need to install the program to play DVDs. Last night I wanted to watch It’s a Wonderful Life but couldn’t be bothered with installing a program when I needed to clear memory for the stupid recovery disk. The Dell support person said that Win 10 needs 20 GB so that the other 12 GB are, I have no clue. He kept telling me that the laptop was for email and internet videos. That doesn’t solve my problem of needing 8 GB for the disk recovery!! Anyways, everything is done now. I won’t attempt to reformat the hard drive until I have a new one, which probably won’t be until March as I have to get more RAM and Office 2016. I need to get Office 2016 first because dumb Office 365 will expire and then I won’t be able to use Word. Because I didn’t get a full 30 day trial, I will need to buy the download version, which costs more, because I don’t have time to have the PC key card delivered, whatever that is. I don’t know why a download version costs more than a stick. I might be able to find it cheaper at another site than Amazon or something, or used version. I don’t know. I will worry about it when my check comes in.

Tonight I have my sleep study. I am really nervous about it because I haven’t been able to sleep the past 4 nights till after 3 am. I sent a message to my psychiatrist about it but have not received a response. I kind of flipped out in that I became suicidal again. I have a date in mind that I want to end things. I don’t feel like it today but it is in the back of my mind. I really want to die to escape this fucking pain. My ankle went out on me, again, while I was in my kitchen making a cup a tea. When I went downstairs to get my brother in law’s pasta, I wore the AFO. I think I need to switch sneakers as the laces are really irritating the top of my foot where it is sensitive. I had to really lace up my shoe because it felt too lose after the modifications were done. I have decided that I am just going to wear my PJs that I am wearing now to the study and bring my sweatpants in a bag along with my meds. I’ll bring my journal with me to write so I can settle down. I hope I sleep a few hours because I really want to go to PT tomorrow afternoon.

I’ve been bad about doing the exercises. I have been using the app and just doing the calf and hamstring stretches. I have no idea where my notebook is that has the paper where the PT wrote down all the exercises I was to do. I just remember the stretches and not the other ones. I used the app this morning as I woke up around 5. I didn’t do too good because I was in pain. There is a test called context and I can’t get a good score on it no matter how many times I do it. I can’t distinguish right from left when the foot is in a weird position and in a boot or shoe. Really frustrates me.

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