PT wiped me out

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, blogging

PT wiped me out

I woke up around 0630 to pee and never went back to sleep. I didn’t take a nap in the afternoon. I just been going. I am running out of half and half so will need to go to the store tomorrow. I tried getting some at the pharmacy but it was expired by three days. I dropped some film after PT and got my meds that I needed.

PT had me working on two machines. I was tired afterwards. My back started cramping up so she gave me a tennis ball to work it out after she massaged it for me. She said it was so tight no wonder it hurts. She is thinking of dry needling it the next time she sees me. I wouldn’t mind that.

The Sox had a day game. My cousin kept texting me the score. We won 15-1 and swept the series. This is the 7th game in a row that we have won. This is the 51st game they have won this season. I am so happy for my team.

The uro NP got back to me today. She asked some questions and I answered then asked some more. She decided that she would answer them tomorrow when we meet. I wrote down my questions so I wouldn’t forget what I wrote her. I had already forgot what the questions were so I am glad I looked it up.

My foot and ankle are hurting. The humidity has gone up even though the temps are in the 70s right now. I already took a breakthrough med because my neck and back were hurting. I feel like shit with my neck and shoulder, back, ankle, and foot hurting me all at once, all different kinds of pain. Yay me. I am so tired. I am glad the Sox played a day game. I can go to bed early. Tomorrow starts the west coast games so I will be up late paying attention to those games.

grumpy in this heat

by Midnight Demon, posted in depression

Grumpy in this heat

I woke up to another hot day. I was not in a good mood. I hate the heat so damn much it isn’t funny and it is only the beginning of summer. My AC is keeping my room cool but not cold or less humid. It feels sticky. I hate it so much.

I had therapy today. She wants me to find positive stuff that makes me laugh. I told her the show MASH makes me laugh and she said she wasn’t keen on me watching it because of the theme song. She gave me a podcast and show on Netflix to watch and listen to. I got the podcast. I have not signed up for Netflix again. I just don’t like watching shows. I don’t have the attention span usually. I wanted to watch Pretty Woman today but I have no idea what I did with the DVD when I cleared off my bed.

There is a pill I take around 4-5pm. I have a med alarm so I remember to take it. Only thing is, I sometimes shut the alarm off but forget to take it. Or take it then forget if I took it or not. I have to start keeping a box for it now because it has been too many I don’t knows/remembers.

I am so angry that Bill Cosby got off because of a technicality. Just reminds me of why I never went to the police when my cousin did what he did to me. If my family didn’t believe me, what were the chances of him getting convicted in court?

I told my therapist I used the crisis text line Monday night because I was having a hard time with my pain and she said that was resourceful. It helped a bit to talk about things to someone. I was really struggling as the CRPS pain was out of control. It was my nephew’s birthday so I was in the backyard for a couple of hours. My ankle didn’t like me sitting in a chair for that long. It was really hot and the heat was getting to me. After the cake I said goodbye to everyone. I splashed cold water on my face and neck to try and get the sweat off and cool down some. Today is just as hot, if not hotter and I am still miserable. The barometric pressure has slowly decreased and I am hurting big time. My ankle and foot are throbbing so bad. I haven’t taken a breakthrough med because I am waiting for the thunderstorms to hit. I know my pain will get worse then so taking something now will not be helpful.

Sox won last night. We are now 2 whole games ahead of the Rays. I love it. I am going to listen to the game tonight. They have one more game at home before going to the west coast to play there. Going to suck because the games will start after 10pm for a week. I’ll probably just catch the win or loss the next day as I am rarely up that late anymore.

Tired so here is a pic

by Midnight Demon, posted in depression
Nephew Thor

making phone calls and being on hold

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression

Making phone calls and being on hold

I got my new SIM card for my phones and put them in. Unfortunately, I am unable to install the new voicemail feature and it said to call a number. I did and was put on hold. I also called my service provider to take a line off my account and was put on hold. Catheter company called just as therapy was ending so when I returned the call I was on hold. Doesn’t anyone get this lucky when making phone calls? I wouldn’t mind but the catheter company had piano music that was so depressing. I could only bear it for so long and then I hung up to call again. Finally got through to someone at my cell provider and turns out all I needed to do was update the app. I was with the tech for just a minute after spending 20 on hold.

Today is my nephew’s birthday so we celebrated out in my backyard. I lasted a couple of hours before the heat got to me. I am so tired and because I was sitting, my ankle/foot is flared up. Going to be a while before it settles down before I am able to sleep. Veins are popping on my foot which isn’t a good sign. CRPS swells up really good. The Suicidal area on my ankle has flared up a few notches. My sister had me go downstairs to check on my mother. I wish I didn’t because now the pain is agony. Foot and ankle are screaming at me. And just like that I am in a suicidal spiral. The pain is causing me to feel so damn hopeless and I am trying to “ignore” it. I am trying to say it will pass and then I will be “fine”. But in this moment I wish I was dead. I just took my BT meds with Tylenol. Hopefully in an hour I will be feeling better.

I am listening to a song by Taylor Swift on repeat. I don’t know what it is about this song but I absolutely love it so much. The melody of the song just draws me in. As many times as I have heard this song I still do not know it word for word, yet. I am getting there with each repeat.