Tag: baseball

Feeling Irritable

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Feeling irritable

Not having a good day, at all. I woke up at 0430, after falling asleep around midnight and then had a hell of a time trying to go back to sleep. I was pissed off. Then I woke up around 0830 with my ankle going berserk. I called it quits and took some pain meds that finally allowed me a few hours of sleep. When I did get up around 1130, the gas man turned off the gas so I couldn’t make anything to eat or make coffee. I am really upset that I couldn’t make coffee more than making something to eat. So now I think I will go out to Starbucks so I can have my fix, even though I really don’t want to go out. It’s really damp, windy, raw and cold out, not really good for my ankle. I just wanted a nice day at home where I make the food that I bought and drink coffee. Nope, I am denied. All because they are doing work in my area. Damn condos. I ordered a burger and now I am not so grumpy, but I still want coffee. The food that I prepared for my lunch will have to be my dinner now.

I emailed my psychiatrist late last night about my anxiety around next week, just so she knows. I started writing about what I was going through, with the memories of the phone call and then the surgeries and how I faired afterwards. Aside from getting a UTI (urinary tract infection), I did okay. Though mentally I was more scared than I was physically. It was good that the CES was caught in time and I was operated on so urgently, even though it was twice I had to be cut open. I then had CSF leaks both times so I had to lie still for 24 hours. That was not fun. And it wasn’t fun when the idiot resident came to me and told me after my second surgery that he wanted to take my urinary catheter out. I asked him how I was going to pee if I had to stay still for the next 20 hours or so? He didn’t take it out. This jerk also wanted to send me home without any PT in the hospital. I couldn’t get around on my own inpatient, how was I supposed to at home? Then the stupid stuck up nurse that I had was yelling at me, asking why I didn’t want to go home. Maybe because if I fell, there would be no one to pick me up? Maybe I had two flights of stairs at my house and I couldn’t walk up one step? My leg was still weak, I couldn’t put any weight on it and without a walker, I couldn’t stand on my own. It really pissed me off and the only doctor that was understanding was my surgeon. Then I got the UTI and the antibiotics they put me on really did a number on my bowels. If you ever want to clear your system out, go on Leviquin. All I did was shit and shit and shit. For two straight days. Then they sent me home and I was tired of fighting them anyway. So I spent another two days shitting my brains out and became weak. Guess what? I had to go back to the hospital ER for fluids. If the idiots had kept me, they could have avoided this. I still had stitches in my back, I couldn’t feel my left leg, I couldn’t walk unassisted and was sent back to the ER all because the resident wanted me to go home. No wonder I have a hard time trusting doctors. They can be really stupid sometimes.

I have to watch my niece in like an hour. I really don’t feel up to it. I just want to stay in my bed. Foot is acting up so I don’t think I will be going out. I hate this. It just started to rain so that clinches it. I am not going out. I will have to wait till the workmen finish their work so I can make a damn cup of coffee.

Sox are in Cleveland tonight. They have three games left and they are done. I am very sad at this. I knew they weren’t going to the post season, it would have been a miracle if they did, but it just didn’t work out. They lost last night and sent the fucking Skankees to the post season. Hate the Skanks. I hope they lose, and they will. I think the Jays have a chance at winning it all.

Tomorrow will be college football. I can’t wait. OSU is playing Illinois, a school that I had my eyes on for grad school. They have a beautiful campus. I visited twice when I went to Chicago. Those dreams are long gone and I will be rooting for the Buckeyes. It’s going to be a tough game because Illi is also 4-0. OSU is still undefeated from last season. They just keep on winning games. And I hope my having their hat doesn’t jinx them. I will be so sad.

Not Feeling Good

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

I didn’t sleep well last night. I got about three hours total. Then I had to get up and go to my father’s. My ankle still isn’t happy with me. I woke up feeling sick to my stomach from not sleeping. I still feel this way even though I had some greasy food. For some reason, greasy food always seems to settle my stomach. I am going to take a nap and see if that helps. I just took some pain meds so I hope in about 45 minutes I am off to dreamland.

I have been sort of depressed because of the pain I am in. I still am worried about the upcoming anniversary and of my LTD insurance calling me for an update on my condition. They just want to know if I am still disabled.

Sox are playing tonight but I don’t care. They lost last night and I got mad. Then I got pissed off when they said the pitcher that lost the game had a good start. WTF. If he had a good start, he wouldn’t have lost the game! HE did it, not the bullpen. I am just so tired of hearing of “quality starts” in losses. It’s like saying yeah, we lost by ten runs but after that he settled down and didn’t allow anymore. Just aggravating the way this season has gone. I know we can’t win every single game, but can they at least try to? Would that be so hard? Course there is only about two weeks left in regular season. That’s 11 games. I would take a draw at 6-5 rather than a 5-6 record. Or worse 0-11.

Only thing planned tomorrow, other than my groceries delivered, is getting my haircut, doing an errand for my mother, and then resting the rest of the day. I might go to Kelly’s to get a roast beef sandwich but I will have a ton of food in the house. I will finally have my ceasar salad with grilled chicken. I have been craving that more than the roast beef. I ordered eggs for the first time. I am really nervous about this as I hate to have one of them crack. But we needed eggs and my mother was too cheap to buy them. She only wanted them if they were less than $2. Not happening anymore. Prices have gone up and I am afraid, they are going to stay up.

I kind of put in my pain medication refill request kind of late. I was hoping to get a call today saying it was ready to be picked up but I haven’t. And my Zofran hasn’t been called into the pharmacy yet. I have just one pill left and will need it refilled soon if this nausea doesn’t go away. I know part of it has to do with allergies and post nasal drip. But not sleeping all night also is part of it. I didn’t get to sleep till 0300 and then I woke up around 0600, and I was up. It was so hard to get back to sleep. I tried not playing with electronics but it’s hard to do when you aren’t sleepy and you are just laying there in bed. I heard my mother get up around 0730 and must have snoozed a little bit until I heard her leave at 0930. I didn’t have coffee today because my stomach has been so off. I think I am going to have some Chamomile tea later to help settle my stomach. The fries and mozz sticks can only do so much. I also ordered a pizza. It’s Greek and really good but I was only able to eat one slice. I will have more later when and if I get hungry. I am wondering if I felt sick because I didn’t sleep off my pain meds. I have been popping them like crazy since my foot flared up last night and just took two more.

Either there is a fire in my area or someone is burning something in my yard. I can’t stand the smell of smoke, unless it’s from a BBQ. Then that is ok.

Game results

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, sports

My huskers suffered a hell of a game loss. Due to a player being unsportsmanlike, it cost them the game. But they came back to tie it and go to OT. That was so awesome.

My Sox also battled back in the 9th inning to win the game. It was a nail biter  because stupid Ross gave up a 2 run blast to make it a 1 run game. Luckily he was able to secure the final out and win. It was the first time all season the Sox came back to win a game after being down in the 8th inning. In the opposite, the Jays had a record of winning games when they lead in the 8th inning. Go Sox!!

OSU game I was just catching tidbits through the CFB app and twitter. But they also came back from being down 10 nothing to win the game 20-13. I would have really loved to watch that game but it was out of network in my area. I was lucky to catch the last of the Nebraska game. I didn’t think they would come back after being down 27-3.

Overall, I am proud of my teams. Can’t wait till next Saturday!

Sunday Blog 6

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, depression, mood disorders

Sunday Blog 6

After all the stupid comments that I have endured with the Times article, it has me wondering if I have borderline personality disorder. The last time I brought it up with my therapist, she said I didn’t have it. I do attend a BPD chat group on Sundays because I have a close friend that has it and I would like to help her, or at least understand the condition. I will again bring this up with my therapist, a least to put my mind at ease.

I babysat for a little bit and asked my brother in law to get me burrito wraps while at the grocery store. He got me fajita. I hope they are big enough to wrap up some eggs and bacon. Baseball game is still going on, a nothing nothing game going to the 12th inning.

I slept most of the day today. I just couldn’t get moving. I think between the beer and my meds, I was toast. I usually don’t drink but will have one drink once in a while. A friend called to congratulate me after I sent him the article. He doesn’t have a computer or care too much about the internet. If it would have been in print, he would have bought the paper. It was nice of him to call.

I am feeling kind of crappy. The depression is setting in, slowly but surely. I haven’t had much of an appetite today. I am sure tomorrow I will be starving. That is how it is. One day I don’t eat anything and the next day I eat everything. I have been drinking water so I don’t dehydrate. I didn’t make coffee today as I woke up too late. I just want to sleep. I don’t have anything to do tomorrow. I am glad because I really don’t want to go out. I do have to pick up my prescription. I was going to do that today but never did and the pharmacy is closed now. Which reminds me, I have to fill my pill box for the week. Ugh. I hate filling it but it is better that I do so I am not taking each pill out every night. I woke up too late to take my morning BP meds. I wasn’t planning on sleeping late, it just happened. I think the stress of last week finally caused me to sleep more now that it’s over. Either that, or the depression is causing me to sleep more than usual. I just hope I am not up all night. I doubt it as I feel really tired.

If anyone want to contact me, I have set up a contact page. It’s in the header on my blog. Just fill in the required information and I will get back to you as soon as I can. I set it up because I changed my comment settings for a troll. Once I know that person is gone, I will change them back.