Tag: coffee

Writing Workshop and Other Things

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Writing Workshop and Other Things

I went to the writing workshop today and it seemed geared more for poets than writers. I wrote a couple of good paragraphs in the time allotted. But I thought it would be more discussion about writing itself rather than what we were writing about in the class. It was only for 45 mins and when I realized what it was, I really wanted to leave. The room was stifling hot, there were a lot of people there, and it just made me uncomfortable. It was supposed to be a cool day today but it’s not. The weatherman lied, again. I am just glad that I wore shorts and not full length jeans. I would have been really uncomfortable.

The errands that I had to run after the class got postponed because I had to go to the bathroom really bad. I felt funny using the bathroom at the workshop so I just left holding it until I got home. Now I got to go to Walgreens and pick up my prescription. I thought about getting my haircut but I think I will do that tomorrow. I tried getting it cut today but the line was too long and there were only two barbers on duty. Usually there are four. I am really spent so unless I get my sister’s car to go to Stop and Shop, that will have to wait till Friday. The walk to the place wasn’t bad but finding the green line back home was a trick. I had no idea where the station was so just walked over to the orange line a few blocks away from the class. I went down the stairs rather than using the elevator and I am paying for it now. I really don’t want to go to Walgreens but I have to. My mother needs something and I need to buy water. I have no spring water in the house and I hate drinking tap, unless it’s mixed with iced tea or lemonade mix. I am picky about water. When I lived in my hometown where I grew up, the tap water was excellent. But where I live now, it just doesn’t taste the same. I will buy a couple of gallons so I am stocked. There is no way I can carry a case home from Walgreens and it’s much more expensive there than at Stop and Shop. I will only buy Poland Spring water. If they don’t have that, Dasani is the next one I will get. If they don’t have either, I usually won’t buy it.

When I came out, I found out some sad news. My cousin’s mother in law passed away this morning. He was with her when she died. She had been sick for some time and was in a nursing home. She was a very nice lady. I met her more than a few times over the years.

I have an ace bandage around my ankle to help support it while I was out and about today. I still have it on. I should take it off but I will be going back out again. It’s very restrictive as going up and down stairs I could feel that my ankle did not want to do those motions. It feels comfortable now that I have my leg up and am relaxing as I am typing this. I should have been using this all along and maybe on long days where I am walking, I won’t be in so much pain afterwards. It’s a one piece ace that is made specific for the ankle. I really like it because you wear it like a sock. No pins or taping or wrapping needed. I can never wrap my ankle anyway or any other part. I just suck at that.

I started the day writing to my therapist like I have been doing the last few mornings. I will be so glad when she comes back and I don’t have to write to her anymore. Well, I could still write to her. She does like getting my letters. We will keep the post office in business. But with this writing, I am not doing much of anything else. I am not writing anything for my book and I am not writing in my journal like I usually do. I wanted to get a few pointers today on how to get unstuck but the stupid class wasn’t made for it. They do have other classes you can take but it costs money that I don’t have.

Before the workshop, I went to my “Happy” place, Starbucks and lo and behold, they had the coffee that I have been dying to get! I finally got my Kati Kati coffee!! I am so going to make it tomorrow morning!! I thought I was going to miss my chance on getting it this year because the Starbucks stores near me have sold out of it already. It’s an extremely popular blend and it’s only around during the summer months. It made my day to get a bag.

Spilled Coffee Kind of Day

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Spilled Coffee Kind of Day.

I was walking, slowly, to put my coffee down on the counter and as I was walking, I spilled the damn thing. It went onto my sock, the floor, everywhere. I am pissed. I blame my mother, who was cooking bacon for this fiasco. If she wasn’t in the kitchen, I probably would have not spilled a drop. Great way to start off the day. Could have been much worse. My sister nearly ran over a runner that came out of no where as we were trying to make a turn down the street. Thankfully she is ok and not hurt.

I have to deal with my fricken father today. I need to take him for blood work. He was supposed to see his doc today but they messed up the schedule when I rescheduled his appointment. Dumbfuckers. Did I mention how much I hate his office? His doctor is a jerk and I really dislike him more than his office staff. So now I have three hours before I have to see my father, who I also dislike. He just annoys me to no end.

I have to get my brother in law to put in the AC in my room today. There is no way I can survive another day in this humid hell. I will sleep in my sister’s car if that is what it takes to get my AC in my room. And this is only the beginning of summer. I bought swim trunks this morning. I hope they will motivate me to go to the public pool when it opens the end of June. I just hope they fit.

I have been up since 0500. But I slept good, so I can’t really complain. I got about 6.5 hours, which is like a record for me. I probably won’t sleep tonight because I was up early. I don’t know why I made coffee. I could have gone to Starbucks and avoided my coffee spill fiasco. Course, I think of this now. UGH. I guess I just wanted my own coffee, in my own mug, made the way I like. I made the Breakfast Blend today. I am trying to save my Brazil Nova Resende coffee as much as possible because it’s the last of the batch. When I went to Starbucks yesterday, they only had two bags. I should have grabbed one but didn’t think of it. Course I think of it now. D’OH. I might need a Starbucks run later as I have been up so early. I have the car so I can go whenever I want. I might go to Wendy’s for their spicy chicken sandwich. I don’t want the ghost pepper sauce. I am not a hot freak. I like things mild to medium. And I definitely would not like the jalapenos on it. Man, who would eat all that hotness!?

I started writing last night in my journal about the abuse but didn’t get anywhere. I think I am going to write a letter to my therapist about it. I can then print it out and then mail it to her. Which reminds me, I have several things to mail this week! I hope to get it done later today. Depends on how crazy my father gets me. My toes is still hurting me, though it isn’t as bad. The swelling has gone down but it’s still sore. I am glad my new sneakers are nice and comfy, unlike my old pair that is tight and beat up. I think they were a size too small, which made my feet hurt after a few hours. I love the new pair. If I had the money, I would get another the same model but in black. Maybe next month. I still need to get my glasses. I think that is tomorrow’s adventure. I would have done it yesterday but I forgot the glasses I want the new lenses in. I hope they are big enough to have progressive lenses and I don’t have to get a new frame. That will suck!

I am still feeling hot and yucky in my room. I hate the fricken heat. And I know it’s just the beginning of what is to come. Doesn’t help my mood any better. I really want to go to a town called Rockport this year. Only problem is that the place I want to go to is 1.3 miles from the commuter rail station. I can’t walk that far. It will hurt me. I could take a cab but I don’t know if I will be able to get one near the station. And I don’t want to be waiting around all day for one. I figure I have two hours of sight seeing before the next train goes back to Boston. There is a place called the Bulfinch House that was built by my favorite Boston architech, Charles Bulfinch. He is the one that built Mass General Hospital way back in 1811. I love his use of columns and domes. I really would love to see what this bed and breakfast place looks like. But, like I said, it is too far for me to walk and the drive would annoy me. It’s pretty far from where I live.

Another place I really want to go this summer is the Harbor Islands, specifically, George’s Island. There is nothing to do there but I love this island. It is where there is a fort, Fort Warren, which was built around the time of the Civil War. I explored it numerous times in my younger days, which is why I love it so much now. But even a cruise around the harbor would be exciting. I have never visited the other Islands in the harbor. I could do that. But we’ll see.

Pens and Coffee

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, depression, suicidality

Pens and Coffee

I waited almost an hour for the bus to the square today. It was snowing and freezing cold. Luckily, it wasn’t windy or it would have been more cold. I don’t know why the bus was late. I didn’t get the text alert for it being late until I got to my destination. If I didn’t have to put in some paperwork for my student loans, I wouldn’t have ventured out today.

Starbucks had a new latte, which I had today. It was different than a normal latte. I added hazelnut syrup to it so it had some taste. The barista that made it has not tried it yet and wanted my opinion. Once you got past the overwhelming espresso taste on the first sip, it was pretty good. It is called a Flat White latte. It was expensive though, so I don’t think I will order it again. It cost about a dollar more than a regular latte. I am still waiting for them to come out with a good Clover coffee. They have new ones and I want my java back! I hope the spring time coffees bring it back. I miss having a Clover coffee.

There was hardly any seats available at the place when I got in. An old man was hogging up three seats across from him. He got very rude and indignant when I tried to sit down in from of him. I told him he was wrong and walked away. Luckily, a person was leaving so I took her seat, at the end of the long table. I couldn’t believe the nerve of that guy. He made me very angry. He could have been more polite and I think that is what made me angry, his rudeness.

After I settled in my new spot, I got out my reading material and notebook for the blog post. I then realized I forgot to bring a pen with me. I can’t believe I left the house without a pen. It’s like the AMEX card, I never leave home without one. But this time I did because I changed jeans and didn’t check the pockets before leaving my room. Luckily, my bag had my favorite pen. It had actually several, which was good. The first pen I chose however was blue ink and I can’t stand writing in blue when the rest of my notebook is in black ink. Yes, I am particular about the inks and pens I use. The second choice was the one kind that I have been using the past several years. I use Uniball Jetstream pens, black ink, for the past several years. I love them so much, I that it is the only type of pens I buy. I used to buy different kinds, from gel inks, ball point pens, etc. but now have settle on the Jetstream brand. I was browsing through Amazon and found that they came out with a BLX kind that I am hoping to get my next paycheck. These have different color tops but are the same black ink. They look really cool! But I digress…

I did some work on my blog post. It is so hard trying to write about this stuff because it means so much to me. I hope the Mental Health Professionals (MHPs) that read this blog take some information from it and use it in their practice. I have realized today, that it’s not going to be a short blog. There is no way it can be. There is just too much information to share. I love working on this as it is refreshing my memory on what it’s like being in research. And I am learning more about the SSF’s inner workings than ever before.

Today, while I was sitting at Starbucks, I had a pang of suicidality. I can’t help but think why am I still here. I don’t want to be here, at all. Yet I continue to be alive for whatever reason. My writing partner said that I am here because I have things that keep me here. I will also be fighting my suicidality, which is the main reason I found the SSF and Jobes’ work. I really don’t think I will be here if I didn’t find that article by Dr. Shneidman. I would have fell into despair and given into the statistics of all the reasons why I should be dead. Because, after all, everyone is a statistic in one shape or form. But as my writing partner and therapist have stated, I am the outlier. I still haven’t figured out where that point of data lies though..

Super Coffee Buzz

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Super Coffee Buzz

Woke up early this morning, again, because of pain, again. My right hip doesn’t want to get better. I was doing okay and then woke up Saturday morning with this pain and it hasn’t settled down. I took a couple of pain pills and now it is less as long as I don’t move too much. This so sucks.

So I got up and made breakfast. I made an egg and toast, my usual. Then I wanted coffee so decided to just use two scoops of coffee instead of 2 ½. And the coffee is still strong. I feel like I am high the coffee has me in a buzz that good. I know it will wear off in an hour or two. But man this feeling is incredible. I feel like I can do anything. So I am going to type up the book today. That ought to keep me focused and maybe I can write some more.

Yesterday was not a good day for me at all. I had woken up in pain and things went downhill. I couldn’t sit for more than a few minutes, couldn’t stand longer than a few minutes. It was terrible. All because of pain. So I slept most of the day, or tried to. By the end of the day, the pain had lessened a little bit. I didn’t see my father because I knew going up and down the stairs would not be good. I will see him today as he is staying with my sister until he recovers from surgery. Hopefully, the drain that is in him will come out this week. I just tried to call for an appointment and the lady is running late. I hope that my father can be seen this week. It will be terrible to wait until next week for a post op appointment.

Just texted my therapist to see if she has any openings today. I feel like I need to talk to her. Things have been piling up and I just need to vent. I also need to know if she read my blog that I sent her. I think it will be important for her to read before we talk.

Aside from being up on coffee and low on pain, I am having a good day so far. I think that I can accomplish a few things today, as long as I don’t take a nap. I already have been playing in my games. I had to so that I can finally advance in my missions. I still need to buy horseshoes to complete a mission because the mission is old. But there is nothing I can do about that right now as I don’t have the money to purchase the damn horseshoes. Maybe when I get money for my birthday.

I was telling my mother about a cake that I was planning on making and she deterred me. She said that it takes too many eggs (6) and will need a bigger pan than what is called for. I don’t care. I plan on making it anyways, just to see how it will come out. If it comes out sucky, I will never make it again. I still want to try and make 7 Up biscuits. That requires a little more work even though there are only 4 ingredients. And I hate kneading dough so I am not sure I will make it. I might corral my niece, who likes to bake, to make them for me. I still have to buy the ingredients. I have to do shopping my next paycheck if I want to make these goodies, and pumpkin cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. My sister made pumpkin whoopee pies for Thanksgiving and I didn’t have one because my back was out and I couldn’t stay long for dessert. I know I would have loved it.