Tag: MLB

Saturday Blog 9

by Midnight Demon, posted in chronic physical pain, sports, writing

I watched college football for the first time this season. I didn’t think I was going to wake up early enough for it because I usually forget. Luckily, the game was on the cable network so I got to see it on my living room TV instead of the small kitchen one. It was OSU vs Navy. I had a hard time rooting for either team because both are my favorites. But in the end, I went for my most favorite team, OSU.

I forgot to take my morning meds again. It is way too late now to take them as I will be taking my night time meds in a few hours. This sucks. I also have not taken my blood pressure at all today and I am afraid to because I know it is going to be high. So I will skip that too.

After the game, I was very tired for some reason. So I took a nap before my bladder woke me up, angrily. I forgot that I drank 32 ounces of fluid before taking my nap so I was FULL. Not a good thing when you have CES. I am still wearing a pad because of my menses so if I leaked, I didn’t care.

I have to take a shower today. I am all icky and stuff. It looks like my menses are finally going away, which is a good thing because then I can restart my hormone pills. I just have to remember when I stopped the pills. This sucks that I have to stop the pill every three packs. What good is it if I do that?? Three months off is not enough time to forget the awfulness of being in the wrong body. And then have to deal with it again, three months later, just sucks.

Since I woke up this morning (around 11 or so), I have been eating constantly. I finally stopped around the time the game ended. I am now bloated. I don’t think I am going to have anything else to eat today. If I do get hungry, I will just have a bowl of cereal.

Ruby De La Rosa is pitching tonight for the Red Sox. I don’t want to even watch or hear the game. Ever since the Sox traded away three good pitchers, I stopped watching or listening to the game. I would, however, keep track on Twitter. Or if I really cared, I would go the website and check out the score. But usually they would have a lead and then blow it. Such is the story of the season. This year’s sox just cannot hold on to a lead for nothing. The only team that we seem to be able to beat are the Blue Jays. Tonight is a much more competitive team, the Tampa Bay Rays. I hate that team. So if I happen to sleep through the game, so be it.

The agitation that I was feeling yesterday is gone, thank goodness. I guess, all I needed was sleep, even if it took a few Ativan to get there. Right now I am just feeling sleepy. But it’s not even eight o’clock yet so I can’t take my meds. I mean I could, it’s not like I am on a schedule or anything like I was when I was in the hospital, but if I take them too early, the chances of me waking up in the wee hours of the morning is greater. I have done that before and I woke up at midnight or 1 am. Not good because then I have the energy of three people and I don’t know what to do with it.

I didn’t work on any writing today. I didn’t even have a cup of coffee today. I have a feeling the coffee is what is causing the jitters that I get. So as my writing award for next month, and seeing as I can’t afford Starbucks, I will try to make a Starbucks award for my writing next month. That is, if I can afford it. I am going to try and promote my book this month so I have a few dollars on the side. I sold 3 books this month. I want to try and sell 5 next month. That is going to be a huge task. It would be easier if I had a printer but I don’t. My sister does but she doesn’t have ink for it. I am screwed. But I can still hashtag away at Twitter every day a couple of times to try and sell my book. If I had the money, I would take an ad in a professional psychology journal promoting my book. I still have to mail my editor her copy of the book, which I will do on Tuesday. Monday is Labor Day so post office is closed. I am still debating if I should send my book to be reviewed by the American Association of Suicidology. I want to so bad but I don’t want to be criticized either. I have a lot of personal information. But they didn’t give me a lot of information to put in the book. “Just send two copies to this address” is all I have to go on. And I have the package all sealed up and ready to go. So if they needed me to sign the book or include my address in the book, too late for that. I just hope that I don’t have to be a current member because I let my membership expire. Dammit, the things I think of now.

My foot is killing me. The pain meds that I took earlier have had no effect on it. I am so tired of being in pain all the stinking time. I just want to chop my foot off right now. Sure it will be bloody and messy but I don’t be in pain, well not the type of pain I am experiencing right now. I think I will feel another type of pain but I am hoping that will go away with time. And if I happen to bleed out, so be it.

I am starting to get worried over a blogger friend of mine. She is having difficulty with her illness. I tried reaching out to her but got no response. She has been blogging saying that she what she is doing and I don’t like it. Even though she doesn’t know it, I think it is a form of self-harm. I just want to help her but if she doesn’t respond to me, that is kind of hard to do. I just hope she is sleeping off what she took and no harm comes to her. I will really miss her if she should die.

No Rest for the Weary

by Midnight Demon, posted in cauda equina syndrome, chronic physical pain, depression

No Rest for the weary

I woke up at 0400 yesterday (30-May) in severe pain. I took some meds and then tried to go back to sleep. I slept for a couple of hours and then my alarm went off. I had an appointment with my pdoc. The appointment went well, we decided to stay the course with the increase in the mood stabilizer and see if the Cymbalta is truly making me sick by not taking it tonight. It really doesn’t matter as I doubt I will continue taking it. My mood has improved over the last two weeks, well at least compared to last week where I was in bed every day. I couldn’t do a damn thing without sleeping all day.

I wanted to take a nap very badly as my sister had tickets to the Red Sox game and I wanted to go. But I never got a nap so was really cranky. The tickets were part of my youngest niece’s school group and I was around kids. BAD, very bad for me because I swear a lot during the game. I had to twitter my curses during the game rather than say them outloud but toward the end of the game, most of the kids went home so I could curse. And it was a hell of a game. Two brawls. Three ejections. And the Rays were “scot free”. I don’t know what the Sox did to piss off every umpire in the MLB but it’s getting obvious there is a conspiracy out there with their calls going against Boston. And the sad part is that for the next two days, we have the same umpiring crew so it will be the same bias.

I did a lot of stair climbing and my foot is now paying the price. My foot pain did not abate during the day. I have been dealing with it like I said before, since 0400. I have been taking my pain medication which brings the pain down a notch but during the end of the game, I wasn’t able to take an additional med for the ride home. And it was a ride. The trolley ride, in which I was standing, killed me as I was putting too much pressure on it to stand upright. My foot is thanking me so much by swelling and not being able to move my toes. I am beyond miserable and I can’t sleep. I have been up for almost 24 hours. I love my niece but she was such a whiny brat tonight. I know part of it was because it was past her bed time but I had no nerves left to deal with it because of my sleep deprivation and pain level. I didn’t let on but I really wanted to say something to her but I didn’t. I had a good time at the game, despite the kids and aggravation. I tried my best to zone out as much as I could. My sister was the cheering squad but she was doing that to keep from being bored. Baseball is not her thing. But she was a trooper staying until the end of the 9th inning, despite a tied score. I had to leave by this time because the pain had become intolerable. I don’t know how many stairs we went down to get to home but it was a lot and my ankle did not appreciate it.

So now I am home, I have my foot elevated. I am medicated. Yet I am not sleepy despite being overtired. I don’t have anything that I have to do today. I had wanted to get my haircut, go to the post office, and pick up my prescriptions but that is way too many spoons (energy) at this point. I don’t think I am going to do much other than veg out. If I am lucky, I will sleep past 0600. I am tempted to take an Ativan to sleep but having decided to take a stronger pain medication tonight, I don’t want to risk further side effects.

Despite being in severe pain, I am not suicidal like I thought I would be. This is the fourth or fifth day in a row that I have been dealing with my foot pain, the same kind of pain every single day. I just haven’t been able to get a break from it. I am hoping that taking the stronger pain medicine breaks the cycle and I get some relief but there is no guarantee that will happen. Right now, all I want is some pain free sleep. But it doesn’t look like I will be getting it. I still am waiting for my meds to kick in, and it has been over an hour since I took them.

It is strange not being suicidal when I am in so much pain. You would think that I would be, that I would want that escape. I guess part of it is that I am not feeling hopeless about it. And I am not severely depressed like I was. Pain changes the way you cope with things. Right now I am feeling the pain but also trying to block it out of mind. I guess when I can no longer do that, maybe then I become suicidal? I guess we will find out soon enough.

baseball and still being depressed

by Midnight Demon, posted in depression

Interesting day in Baseball world…Manny Ramirez (former Red Sox) is a player/coach to AAA team for the Cubs organization. Josh Beckett (former Red Sox) pitched his first no hitter of the season. And the Sox lose their 10th game in a row, the worst since 1994. I am totally at a loss. There was a brawl in the game today, in the pounding by the Rays. I cannot stand their manager Joe Maddon. He just irks me in the worst way. The reason for the brawl was that there was stolen base that occurred after the Rays scored 5 runs. It was totally not necessary to steal the base but the jerk Escobar thought it was good and then taunted the Red Sox dug out. It was really stupid. Three players got ejected from the game, though I am uncertain why a third player got ejected when only two, that I saw, instigated the brawl. But oh well.

I had a somewhat productive day. I have been up since six. I started doing some reading and I think I am going to write out my highlighted sections of the book that I am reading. It will give me something to do and maybe understand this book better.

Weird that my mother called me and asked if I was still sick. I have no idea what she was talking about. If she meant sick as in depression, I denied it and said I was fine. If she meant sick as in sick, well, I don’t know what gave her that impression. The only person that I have been telling my troubles to is an online friend and I doubt she would have my mother’s number or the inclination to call my mother. It’s just weird.

I still have little appetite. Seems I can only eat one meal a day and anything more than that I get really bloated and sick, even if the meals are hours apart. Last night I had some pizza and it really gutted me. I felt so sick after eating it. Guess my system can’t handle food right now. I am fine with that if it means weight loss!

I got really cold today despite the temperature being in the 60’s. I never get cold unless I am sick, but then I have been feeling run down with the depression. I still have socks on my feet and a long sleeved t-shirt on. I still have not warmed up despite being in my comfort zone (aka my room). I went there to take a nap but my damn foot started up. First it was my right foot with zaps. Then my left ankle decided to act up and hurt really bad. I had to take pain medication because I didn’t want it to get worse. I am very tired and want a damn nap but it’s almost 7 pm (19:00). If I fall asleep now, chances are I will wake up in a couple of hours and then be up all night.

Because it is a holiday weekend in the US (Memorial day), I don’t think I will get paid on Tuesday like I thought I would. It might be Wednesday. Either way I am excited that it will be my first payment for my book sales. I just have to remember to save some money for taxes because they don’t take them out. Doing my taxes next year is going to be interesting.

World Series Champions…AGAIN!!!

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, blogging

I am still not sure I can believe it. My beloved Red Sox have won the World Series…Sadly I did not watch all of the game as I was out with friends tonight. I had to recluse myself from social media (Twitter, mostly) and text messaging by turning off my phone. I didn’t turn it back on until I got home and made sure the game was recording first. If it didn’t I would have been beyond pissed.

This has been the third World Series win of my team since the dreaded 1918 curse. Today we kicked 1918 by the wayside again by winning the Series at home. To say that everyone in Boston is in BOSTON would be an understatement! The public transportation around Fenway Park have been closed due to heavy crowds. The place is not going to sleep anytime soon!

I did watch the game, from the beginning. I saw that Pedroia missed a home run in the first inning. Then I saw the lowly Drew step up to the plate and blast a homerun into the bullpen! He has struggled all postseason at the plate. He has some GREAT defensive plays and that is why he is in the lineup despite his offensive struggles. I then saw my buddy Jacoby Ellsbury miss a homerun by a foot. I am really going to miss him on this team. I don’t think he will be back in a Red Sox uniform next year and that will be too bad. I love his speed and his Centerfield glove. I will try and follow him where ever he goes but usually once someone leaves Red Sox Nation, I don’t keep track of them. Once the six runs were scored, I heard fireworks go off and knew that the game was over and a victory was secured. I cried tears of joy but not until I saw the last out by KOJI!! I think he should have shared the MVP with Ortiz.

I live near Boston, about 5 miles away. I wouldn’t be near the city even if you paid me. The crowds are unreal and I hope everyone stays safe. THREE WORLD SERIES CHAMPION RINGS IN 10 YEARS. There is nothing more I need to say.