“What I had began to discover is that, mysteriously and in ways that are totally remote from normal experience, the gray drizzle of horror induced by depression takes on the quality of physical pain. But it is not an immediately identifiable pain, like that of a broke limb. It maybe more accurate to say that despair, owing to some evil trick played upon the sick brain by inhibiting psyche, comes to resemble the diabolical discomfort of being imprisoned in a fiercely overheated room. And because no breeze stirs this cauldron, because there is no escape from this smothering confinement, it is entirely natural that the victim begins to think ceaselessly of oblivion”. William Styron, taken from Nights Fall Fast, p106

In my last blog, a blog reader was concerned about my last three sentences. This is the best description I could come up with to describe what I am feeling.

Today I read Harry Potter while my sister had my laptop. I did a lot of reading while I wasn’t in possession of my computer. It was the first time that I didn’t dissociate while I did so. I feel better about reading the Harry Potter book now.

I don’t know why before 1900, I become so sleepy. But I know that if I take a nap, I usually end up staying up half the night because I can’t go back to sleep. So I stay up and usually before 2100, I take my night meds, which then wake me up and keep me up. I also usually take my pain meds to help with sleep but tonight I am not having that luxury. I got things on my mind. One of which is the song “Girl Crush”.

I don’t listen to country music radio that often anymore because I am home and not in a car. I do have a radio, but I like listening to my MP3 songs and to albums rather than individual songs. I didn’t know they pulled “Girl Crush” off the radio because of some close-minded people thinking a song about jealousy is a lesbian song because of the line “I want to kiss her lips”. It’s ridiculous. I am also pissed off because my phone is homophobic. While I was typing “lesbian” autocorrect thought I meant “lessons”. I read what I write 95% of the time to correct these stupid mistakes. I don’t know what to do about making my phone a little more open minded. It rejects the pride flag during updates. I haven’t figured out why it does this. But it’s a bitch to fix. Now I have a black background because it is nice against white writing. The phone seems fine with this and hasn’t changed it to its default background, yet.

I guess Australia is having a suicide prevention convention as I have seen some stuff that is interesting. They showed their safety planning which I have attached to this blog. It’s a good form and I encourage anyone who is suicidal to bring it to their therapists to use for their safety. If your therapist is not open to this and just uses a “promise” for contracts, they are in the wrong. Or a “no-harm” contract. If you end up killing yourself, these contracts won’t hold up in court but the safety planning paper might. It’s a better document, in my opinion. The first is a pic of what it looks like the second is the PDF for easier printing.

I had to stop listening to all my music because I was skipping more songs than listening. So I put on a playlist. I need Eric Church so I might be playing his album before bed. I am going to do some more reading on “Night falls Fast”.



Article Review: Working with Suicidal Clients

Article Review: Working with Suicidal Clients

I have to say that this article was not what I expected. It was an overview to the special issue the journal Cognitive and Behavioral Practice was having. The authors of the article described briefly what each article was about, which left me looking for more articles to add to my collection. But the take away message was that suicidal clients are to be treated as individuals and not as a “one size fits all” treatment modality.

Cognitive therapy has been moving up in the suicide chain as being helpful to suicide clients (Jobes, 2015 presentation AAS). DBT is also as it has helped a lot of clients with borderline personality disorder.

I found it interesting that there was a safety planning section. I googled it to try and learn more and there was a website for it. I downloaded the form as well as the training manual. It might come in useful in my therapy. I didn’t need the article to get to the form. It is similar to many other planning tools used by cognitive therapists. The thing I don’t like about it is that it is a sheet of paper that can get lost or misplaced. It also has the potential of not being used if the client is not near the paper when a crisis is at hand (e.g., at school versus at home). The author for the brief article has stated that therapists are slowly moving away from “no harm” contracts and moving toward safety planning. The reason being that “no harm” contracts have not been shown to be effective and may increase the likelihood of suicide. Also, simply making a promise not to kill yourself doesn’t really hold up well legally.

Ellis, T.E. and Goldston, David B. Working with Suicidal Clients: Not Business as Usual. Cognitive and Behavioral Practice (2012) 19: 205-208