Daily living activities and pain

Daily living activities and pain

I made dinner tonight. Nothing extravagant. Just boiled some potatoes for potato salad and my mother made grilled cheese. The whole peeling the potatoes killed me even though I was sitting down while I peeled them. My foot just couldn’t take the pressure on the floor I guess. I must have stood maybe ten minutes to get the potatoes in a bowl and cool them off some so we could eat them. I made potato salad with vinegar as they were too hot for the traditional mayonnaise. I will make them tomorrow as we still have some potatoes left over.

I am in so much pain from doing a little cooking. I made myself breakfast this morning and it wasn’t as bad as it is right now. I can’t believe that just standing for a about 10-15 minutes caused my pain levels to explode. Granted I am not supposed to be doing any of this. I am supposed to be resting to get my swelling down but I just can’t stay in bed all day. I am really bummed out that doing something simple hurt me so bad. I was going to take a shower today but that is off the list.

I am supposed to go to the pharmacy tomorrow to drop off my prescription for my pain meds. I have no fucking idea how I am supposed to walk there when I am in this much pain. My sister has a graduation party to go to so it’s not like I can borrow her car or have her drive me. I am so doped up it’s probably good that I am not behind the wheel. I am going to have to force myself to walk the three blocks to the pharmacy tomorrow. I am not looking forward to it because I know I am going to be hurting. I might as well stay and wait to have it filled as I don’t want to pick up the script the next day. I will just be in the same position as I am in now. I still have to walk the three blocks either way.

My cousin called me today and pissed me off. He asked where have I been and said he left a message the other day. That is bullshit because I don’t have a call from him. I checked my phone log and the last time he called me was last week. I hate liars. Then he said maybe I didn’t get the message. That really ticked me off. I quickly got off the phone with him as I said I wasn’t in the mood to talk. But he would let me off the phone without knowing why I was so pissed off. UGH. I don’t know why I answered the phone to begin with!!

I finally got the number for the junk car company to remove my car in the driveway. Now I just have to make the call. LOL I was talking with my writing partner about this. My family has been hounding me to get rid of the car. I don’t know why. It’s not like it’s bothering anyone. But they just do it to annoy me. My sister even volunteered to call for me. But I got mad and said I would call, don’t be rushing me. I stormed out of the house and went back to my room. I have been in a lousy mood and it’s hard to call people when you are hurting. My family just doesn’t understand how much energy it take just for me to go down the stairs to pee. I hate being like this but this is what my life has become. I can’t do simple things anymore. I am just too depressed and overwhelmed. My family thinks it’s because I am lazy but I am not. I just am too overwhelmed with stuff. And I hate talking on the phone. I get worried that I might not get a good deal for the car and I will get screwed. One place already tried to get me at a lower price than what is advertised in the paper. I will call tomorrow. I have the paper by my bed and hopefully by noon, I will call one of the three numbers and see what I can get for the car.

I know my sister wants some money from me because she cleaned out the car. I didn’t ask her, she just did it on her own. It was nice of her to do it but I hate that she now wants money for it. No good deed goes unpunished, I guess.

I am really worried about one of my blogger friends. She is going through a rough time. I wish I could help her but she is across the country, on the west coast of the US. We chat usually late at night if I am up but my late at night is early evening for her. We have a three hour difference in time so it’s sometimes hard to arrange a chat. I just hope she gets through whatever she is going through without harming herself. She is talking about going back to the hospital as a defeat and I wish she didn’t think of it as that. She needs help and the hospital is there to help her. I think that is part of the stigma of having mental illness. People that are frequent visitors of the hospital take it as a personal setback of some kind when it shouldn’t be viewed as such. It’s reaching out and admitting you need help and that takes more courage than anything. I used to think like her but I realized that my life is complicated and I have severe mental illness. It requires me to be in the hospital time and time again. There might be some shame in that but it really needs to end if we are to end the stigma around mental illness.

I know a blogger/twitter person that instead of calling it mental illness, she calls it for mental health. To me, that is different. People who are mentally healthy don’t end up in the hospital a few times a year or take psych medication on a daily basis. They don’t struggle with their illness every day, be it bipolar, depression, or schizophrenia. It pisses me off when people try and pawn off one thing for something else. Yes, I would like to be mentally healthy but that is never going to happen and I am not being pessimistic. That is reality.