If Depression Kills and other things

If Depression Kills…

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/robin-williams-death-remembered-in-poignant-note-on-mistakes-people-make-about-mental-health_uk_57ac765ee4b08ab70dc173d1

I came across this article on Twitter as it’s the anniversary death of Robin Williams. There is also another article that is written by a friend of mine, also in the HuffPost, but I am unable to retrieve it at this time.

I posed the question that if depression kills, and I have depression and it kills me, would anyone care? I was expecting a response on Twitter but didn’t get any. On my Facebook page, I got lots of responses. One of them was from a dear friend of mine and he said that he would be devastated. I wanted to write to him and tell him that I was sorry and that eventually it will kill me. It’s only a matter of time.

I wrote to my psychiatrist. I wanted to tell her that the voices were telling me to off myself again but I didn’t want to worry her so I didn’t say that. I just needed a refill on my meds as I am running low and will be out if it’s not refilled soon. It would be dangerous for me to be without my meds, particularly my antipsychotic. I hope she calls it in soon. I had to take another trilafon because the voices are just so out of control tonight. I don’t know if that makes 2 or 3 doses that I have taken tonight. I usually put it in my app when I take the pill but I didn’t do that today. I am not a good paperwork keeper.

I was getting ready to sleep when a thunderstorm passed through. My spine immediately seized up on me. It felt like someone was twisting my lumbar vertebraes. I had to sit up because it was so uncomfortable. Now my ankle is screaming at me but I just took my pain meds so it’s just a waiting game to see when it will quiet down the screaming. I think my ankle is upset because I took a shower. It wasn’t a long shower. I timed it by listening to music and it was less than three songs, though I did end up having to clean the shower afterwards because my dirty feet made the shower floor dirty. It was driving my mother crazy. I cleaned it as best I could but couldn’t get all the dirt off the floor, even with the cleaner. Oh well.

I got hungry around 2030 so I made a tuna sandwich. Now my stomach is angry with me. I can’t win tonight. I just hope I don’t throw up. I really want to have something sweet, like Oreos, but am thinking it isn’t a good idea with my stomach being upset right now. I really want to go to sleep but I am overtired. I hate when I get like this.