Random 515

I woke up surprisingly just before 0800. I didn’t have to babysit until around 0915. My foot and ankle were hurting me so I just took one pain pill. I wasn’t going to go out. I made myself breakfast and then read some Dostoevsky. I planned on writing what I needed to for the Adler chapter but I just couldn’t think straight and I was really groggy. When my niece’s grandmother came to pick her up around an hour later, I just went to bed. My mother called me like an hour later but I didn’t pick up.

I have been in pain for most of the week. I am glad I am seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow afternoon. I had emailed her a short email about how I was doing. Nothing bad. Just that I was in pain still and continuing to struggle with it. I apologized for not sending her any blogs because I felt they would be worrisome to her as my mood has been bleak. I don’t want her to know that I have been having suicidal thoughts and plan on acting on them.

I so need a shower. I plan on taking on soon. I also need to brush my teeth. I was going to do it this morning but I just couldn’t stand long enough. I was in too much pain.

The Sox game was on this afternoon but I didn’t watch it. They lost. Now I have the evening free. I am just going to shower and then take my meds and go to bed. Very interesting, I know. I just don’t feel like doing much. I kind of gave myself a writing assignment. Last night while going through my blogs, I found a quote from Dostoevsky and I think I am going to write more about it. The blog didn’t really say much about it. I got off tangent and it was hard to follow so I am writing a new one.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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