Post 1900

Post 1900

My psychiatrist called in my trilafon. Unfortunately, she didn’t change the damn order so I am still “taking” one pill a day. I told her in the email that I am taking 2 pills a day. I am aggravated. I see her on Friday so I hope she will write a new order then.

I didn’t have anyone to go to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription so I took a chance of going out to get it. I was hurting but not more than usual. As a treat to myself, I bought some hot fries. I figure I will have them while I watch the game tonight. I came home and I was sweating up a storm. It was muggy out.

I did make coffee today. But I really have had much to eat. I just am not hungry. I slept most of the day as I really didn’t want to get up. We are out of bread so I couldn’t make a sandwich or something. I hope my mother gets some tomorrow. I hate being out of bread.

I was reading some of my blogs from last June. I honestly don’t know how I am alive today as I was so depressed and suicidal. And not much has changed. I had emailed my psychiatrist the most dreadful stuff. I am really surprised I didn’t get put into the hospital then.

I haven’t written to my therapist in a few days. There has been nothing I really want to write. Even today’s blog has been difficult. I guess being in pain and taking pain meds has really affected my feelings. All I want to do is sleep and then when it’s time to sleep, I am in pain. I have to watch my niece for a few hours tomorrow, which means I need to wake up early. I don’t know if that is possible given that I rarely have been awake before 9 all week. I again don’t have anything to do so I will set my alarm, just in case I over sleep. I hope I am not up all night. That will really suck.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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