Discouraged

Discouraged

I woke up this morning to police at my door. Apparently someone called the cops on me after they read one of my blogs last night. I don’t know which one and the police wasn’t kind enough to tell me who the caller was. I am wicked pissed off.

This blog used to be a place where I shared my inner most thoughts and feelings and now it has been turned against me. I have no other place to tell my demons to. And thanks to some caring jerk off, I can never talk about my suicidal feelings again. I don’t know what this blog will be about. I wish the coward would step forward and at least tell me their fucking name.

I accused someone falsely from my Facebook page. She was the reason I left my other blog. I don’t know how she found me again. If you are reading this, I apologize. I have deleted my Facebook page because I know they have a “suicide alert” system in place. I have no idea if WordPress has it. I still have no idea how the police found me or under what name. Doesn’t matter now. My family knows that I have been thinking about ending my life now. They will be watching me like a hawk.

I have been crying all day from the betrayal of my own words used against me. It makes me wonder if I should continue to write. This was my past time and now it’s compromised. I am no longer free to say what I want to say. I am restricted in my words, and I don’t mean by word counts. If I do talk freely, I will have to password protect what I write. I hate doing that because it restricts people from reading.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders, suicide and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Discouraged

  1. you can e-mail the ‘open sesame’ for your protected posts to whomever you like, or request they mail you at a certain address. then you could send it from a completely different address, idk

    take care.

  2. That sucks so bad. I would never, ever do such a thing unless the person was my formal patient and we had a contract about it. You are my friend, and I support your personal life choices. Having the cops show up, well….not cool.

  3. Maribelle says:

    I am so sorry you have been made to feel uncomfortable in this space. I do understand and would feel just as violated and censored. Yet I also think, wow someone was really worried about you and obviously cares deeply about your life. This is a hard one for me because as a child I resented my mom for wanting to give up on life and essentially me. I see this from two different places. I know we should all have the right to choose what we do, but I still carry that desperation of a child wanting her mother to fight to live. So forgive me. I saw my mother where you are. I understand the pain is real. But I also had to believe in hope. I hope you will keep writing. I will be thinking about you. We are preparing for the hurricane so if I don’t write it is because we have no power.

  4. I’m sorry to hear this happened to you. It’s such a fine line sometimes voicing our pain and then feeling betrayed when someone does something like this. I hope you don’t stop writing. Your honestly helps me to be honest about my own issues and also share through writing.

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