Discouraged

Discouraged

I woke up this morning to police at my door. Apparently someone called the cops on me after they read one of my blogs last night. I don’t know which one and the police wasn’t kind enough to tell me who the caller was. I am wicked pissed off.

This blog used to be a place where I shared my inner most thoughts and feelings and now it has been turned against me. I have no other place to tell my demons to. And thanks to some caring jerk off, I can never talk about my suicidal feelings again. I don’t know what this blog will be about. I wish the coward would step forward and at least tell me their fucking name.

I accused someone falsely from my Facebook page. She was the reason I left my other blog. I don’t know how she found me again. If you are reading this, I apologize. I have deleted my Facebook page because I know they have a “suicide alert” system in place. I have no idea if WordPress has it. I still have no idea how the police found me or under what name. Doesn’t matter now. My family knows that I have been thinking about ending my life now. They will be watching me like a hawk.

I have been crying all day from the betrayal of my own words used against me. It makes me wonder if I should continue to write. This was my past time and now it’s compromised. I am no longer free to say what I want to say. I am restricted in my words, and I don’t mean by word counts. If I do talk freely, I will have to password protect what I write. I hate doing that because it restricts people from reading.

8 thoughts on “Discouraged

  1. bipolarfanatic

    I’m sorry to hear this happened to you. It’s such a fine line sometimes voicing our pain and then feeling betrayed when someone does something like this. I hope you don’t stop writing. Your honestly helps me to be honest about my own issues and also share through writing.

  2. Maribelle

    I am so sorry you have been made to feel uncomfortable in this space. I do understand and would feel just as violated and censored. Yet I also think, wow someone was really worried about you and obviously cares deeply about your life. This is a hard one for me because as a child I resented my mom for wanting to give up on life and essentially me. I see this from two different places. I know we should all have the right to choose what we do, but I still carry that desperation of a child wanting her mother to fight to live. So forgive me. I saw my mother where you are. I understand the pain is real. But I also had to believe in hope. I hope you will keep writing. I will be thinking about you. We are preparing for the hurricane so if I don’t write it is because we have no power.

  3. Laura P. Schulman, MD, MA

    That sucks so bad. I would never, ever do such a thing unless the person was my formal patient and we had a contract about it. You are my friend, and I support your personal life choices. Having the cops show up, well….not cool.

  4. 🌐 'M.' 🌐

    you can e-mail the ‘open sesame’ for your protected posts to whomever you like, or request they mail you at a certain address. then you could send it from a completely different address, idk

    take care.

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