Random 815

Random 815

I wanted to watch a movie tonight so I watched “The American President” with Michael Douglas again. I kind of wish HE was running for president rather than the shit bag Trump. Not that I have anything against Hiliary. I just don’t know if she has enough clout to win the election. It’s going to be scary either way because I have a feeling it’s going to be disastrous either way. There is no way to pacify an angry toddler.

I think I jinxed the baseball game today. A no-hitter was going on and at the time I tweeted, the fucking asshole A’s got a cheap hit on a replay review. It made me so angry. Then, somehow they fricken won the game in the 9th inning. That made me angrier. I couldn’t even announce that they lost the game, I was so mad. I still am mad when I think about it.

Dinner was good. My niece made gluten free brownies and they were so awesome. My brother-in-law’s brother bought a watermelon roll and I had two pieces of that. It was like eating slush. I miss having slush. In my hometown, we had the best slush makers. Lemon was my favorite kind. After dessert, I just went upstairs and watched the rest of the ballgame go to shit.

I did get a migraine and I reluctantly took a triptan for it. My eye felt like it was being impaled with an ice pick so I had to take something other than Excedrin. It helped the music, a lot. It’s now at a mutable level. I guess my psychiatrist knew what she was talking about. I see her on Friday. I hope that I have an appointment with my neurologist by then.

After the movie, I got really hot so I turned on the AC to cool down. It’s like 73 degrees in my room. I like my room cold. It helps me sleep better. I know it’s cool out but my room is my comfort zone. I can’t open the window because the AC is in it. I took my meds kind of late. I hope it doesn’t cause me problems. I have been taking my meds early, between 8-830 pm most nights. Tonight I took it around 930. I am kind of sleepy but I feel awake. Plus I have been sneezing so that is not helping me stay sleepy.

While I was at my sister’s, she was listening to country music, much to my surprise. One of my favorite new songs by Florida Georgia Line came on and she surprised the hell out me by singing along with it! I was like what the hell did you do with my sister. When I questioned her, she said she liked the song. HA! Another convert! I do have to get that song, because I love it too. But I am afraid of going on a buying spree. There are many songs on country radio that I really want but will be seriously broke if I buy them all. I already bought enough songs this month to last me until my next paycheck. I still have to get Blake Shelton’s new CD. He is one of my all time favorite artists. I have most of his CDs. Course the songs that are stuck in my head right now besides Kelsea Bellarini’s Peter Pan are the songs from David Nail’s CD Fighter. I have been listening to it non-stop for the last few days. Can’t help it. The music moves me and apparently, my brain waves. It does have me curious to see if I have a brain aneurysm or tumor or something with these weird migraine activities.

I haven’t shaved my facial hair in more than a month now. It’s getting a little out of hand. I just hate shaving. It comes in on its own due to a pituitary problem that I have. Course, once I start on testosterone, things are likely to get more hairy than they are now. I have followed some TG blogs. One blogger in Australia has had both types of surgery. He just had phalloplasty done. I am not sure if that is something I would want. I know I definitely want a double mastectomy. But I doubt my family is ever going to see me as a man. Part of the reason I want to kill myself is because of this. It will happen some day, just not now.

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About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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