Another aggravating therapy session
I sent my therapist the blog I wrote last night. She called it the “Russian Roulette” plan, which I guess it is. She asked what went on with my psychiatrist’s appointment and I told her we talked about my suicidality. Then out of fucking no where, she starts saying it’s good that she knows about negative symptoms, that I feel nothing, etc. I just told her to shut up. That isn’t what we talked about and I just sent/wrote that blog last night. I have no idea if my psychiatrist has read it, yet. But my stupid therapist likes to conjure up these scenarios in her head about what goes on in my life no matter if they are true or not.
I got so damn frustrated that I told her I didn’t want to talk with her today. I had a crappy sleep, woke up early, and have been in pain most of the day. She then asks if anything exciting has gone on in my life. Are you fucking kidding me? She obviously didn’t want to deal with my suicidality. And frankly, I was glad because I don’t want to deal with it either.
We talked about the holiday for a little bit. I told her I would be making my cranberry cake. I didn’t tell her I planned on making it today, if I found the energy. I might make it later this afternoon. She asked if I felt any grief and I said no. Then she asked about dreams. She was fishing for anything to talk about. She wanted to know if I was coming out to see her next week. I told her no because I can’t afford it. I need to get Christmas gifts for my family. Not really expensive things but just a little something.