Pain Filled Monday

Pain filled Monday

I woke up in some serious pain this morning. I took my regular pain meds and waited to nod off back to sleep. As I was lying down, my pain intensified. It was the barbed wire type pain only responds to the strong pain pill. It was around 0800 in the morning and already my day was turning to hell. I reluctantly took the pill because what choice did I have. It was either be in pain all day or not. I chose not. Needless to say, I didn’t leave the house. It was freezing out anyways.

I woke up and was hungry. I had a protein bar because I didn’t feel like making something to eat. Least not yet anyways. A few hours later I was really hungry and seeing as I was in pain and didn’t give a fuck (my normal pain had returned, lucky me), I made a deep dish pizza. I also had some Oreos but I limited myself to four.

Last night I decided to email my psychiatrist the letter I wrote her last week. She responded and thanked me for sharing it. I don’t know what is going to happen on my appointment come this Friday. I am really nervous about it. I don’t know what she is going to say when I meet her in person.

I had to cancel my car reservation to see my therapist on Wed because my mother’s phone is down and the technician can only come out during the time I would have to leave Boston. Seeing as I only have a working phone right now, if they call and need access to our line, I will have to let them in because my mother can’t hear the doorbell nor could I call her to let her know the tech is there. Oh well, I will just have to have a phone session. I will reschedule once I have a better idea on where our relationship is going anyways.

I can’t believe my ankle has been bothering me for almost a full 24 hours. Soon as my pain meds wear off, it starts up again. It’s driving me nuts. I just took more pills. I take my night meds in about an hour, might be sooner than that because I want to go to bed soon. I swear if I wake up in pain tomorrow morning, I am going to call my doc and be placed on a different medication. I just can’t live like this anymore, I really can’t. I’m doing my best not to attempt suicide but this pain is really testing my limits and patience.

I got the first sale of my book today. My little cousin bought a signed copy and I received the money today. She sent me a sweet little note with it. I need to go to the post office tomorrow to mail out the books. I also need to get more mailers. I like the ones the post office have because they’re more sturdy than the ones at Walgreens.

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About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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