Random 813

I woke up from another nap, feeling wicked hot. I changed the settings on my fan to what they were before. I thought a lower setting would keep me cool but nope. It didn’t. I am back to a medium setting. My pain was acting up so I took some more pain meds. Then I “woke” up and can’t seem to settle down so I took a Benadryl. I have been using them more rather than taking Ativan because it works fast and knocks me out for at least 4-6 hours.

I started reading Twitter on my phone. It was making me laugh and be serious, because of the idiocy of Trump. People are really creative when it comes to memes and stuff. That is what makes me laugh. I do have a wicked bad feeling Trump is going to cause a war. It might not be soon, unless he gets impeached, but I have a feeling it will be while he is in office. He is just alienating a lot of countries. And they don’t like it. I just hope I figure out a way to die before the war starts.

I am really tired but I can’t seem to fall back to sleep. Pain isn’t helping. My damn toes are hurting me. There is nothing that I can really do except wait for the pain meds to kick in. I feel like having the last slice of cake but then I would have to clean the dish and I don’t want to. I’ll have my mother do it tomorrow, hahaha.

Starbucks has come out with a new coffee from Guatemala. It’s supposed to have cocoa notes and an aroma of orange. I think I will try it. I haven’t had a clover coffee in a while since my Brazil coffee went out of stock. I miss that coffee. It was so good. I will have the clover coffee and then my espresso over ice. I know it’s going to be a long day Tuesday because I will be in the ER most of the day.

I had to call Sprint yesterday because they still didn’t take off the charge of $200 on my account from when I lost my phone. The guy gave me a confirmation number saying that it should take about 7 days to clear out. Right now my bill is almost “delinquent” because I haven’t paid them this money. I am not going to because the money should have been taken off. Bums. I am not paying it.

The weather people are unsure how much snow we are going to get tomorrow so the basic idea it to make sure you have milk and bread. Why these items have become a staple during a snow storm, I have no idea.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Random 813

  1. Mari says:

    Thinking of you. I am sorry you have been going through a hard time and that people say stupid stuff. I think people just can’t handle the enormous weight of our despair. I even tell myself stupid stuff. Keep smiling. It will get better. Chin up. Look at the good side. You know. All that stuff. Sometimes it does help. But other times I think, no, no matter how much of a pep talk I give myself, I just can’t shake the darkness. Usually no one in real life knows just how close I am to falling apart. They couldn’t handle it. They can’t fix it. I have so much on my plate. And I am out of spoons for shoveling the crap off the plate. I have a rare day off next Monday. A week from tomorrow. I am going to make a list of things I have to accomplish and pray I don’t just sleep all day!!! I get you. I really do. I am a Susie Sunshine to the rest of the world.

any thoughts?

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