things on my mind

Things on my mind

I’ve been in a down mood all evening. A Daughtry song has been running in my head the last few days. I didn’t know the name so I had to go down the list to find it. I listened to it and it just made me think about my therapist. I almost started crying. She has been on my mind a lot this week. I still can’t believe it is over.

I have been trying to get in touch with a new therapist but she hasn’t returned my calls or email so she might not work out. I feel sad about this. It has me doubting if therapy is really for me. I have seen so many therapists over the years. Granted most of them have left for reasons that had nothing to do with me. But it still hurts. You learn to trust someone and then when they leave you are just feeling empty and alone.

I feel really tired. I have been sleeping most of the day because I woke up very early and went to bed really late. Pain has really been bad but so far it has been okay. I want to take some Neurontin but I got to get up early tomorrow because I have an early appointment with my psychiatrist. I really want to cancel it. I’ll see how my night goes. Sometimes my pain will get worse as the night goes on.

My lip and corners of my mouth have been so dry they are cracking and hurt really bad. I have been using different lip balms but none seem to help. I think I am going to have to get some Vaseline and see if that works. It’s the only thing I haven’t tried. I wish they sold it in like a small tube for the lips but they don’t. Just big jars of the stuff. I will get it tomorrow when I go out. My mother wants me to use zinc oxide but I hate that stuff. It’s just messy.

I got a call from a friend that I hang out with at least once a month. My adopted nephew called him to say he is having another band concert in March and wanted to know if I wanted to go. I won’t be going because it’s too much for me physically. I just am drained and it takes me at least a day to recover. Then he tells me he can’t get my book at Barnes and Noble. WHAT?? So now I will have to give him a copy. He will pay me for it. But I am disappointed that a bookstore wouldn’t order it for him. I’ll have to check my settings, maybe I did something wrong in the distribution part. Not like my new book is selling like hotcakes. I have sold more as signed copies than I have online. I am disappointed but I haven’t been promoting either. It’s hard.

I just got an ad for a workshop on how to promote your book through this writer’s organization that I have taken classes at before. The workshop is in March so I will try and get into it next week, if I remember. It might prove to be worthwhile.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to things on my mind

  1. Mari says:

    Happy to help! I hate sticking my finger in a pot of Vaseline too!

any thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s