Saturday Blog 78

Saturday Blog 78

I’m having a rough day. I can’t seem to stay awake. I am drinking coffee. It’s stronger than I would like but maybe it will keep me awake. I really don’t want to take a nap. I did one errand today and that was to go to the pharmacy for my meds. It’s cold out but by the time I walked back home and came up the stairs, I was sweating. I am glad I wore a light shirt because a sweater would have killed me. I still had my window open as it was still warm in my room. I had shut the ceiling fan off because it was cold. I wanted to air out my room a little bit.

I ordered pizza for lunch and when I came back to my room, I had to close the window. It was really cold. The birds were chirping this morning like it was a spring day. Very weird. As I was making coffee, I watched some of the baseball game. They tied it up. I wanted to rest my ankle so I came back upstairs.

I placed some more items on my growing grocery list. Trouble is, the frozen items are going to have to be put in the basement freezer because there is no room in my freezer for them. My mother went shopping last week and bought a lot of frozen items. I think I am going to make a garden burger for dinner. I haven’t had one in a while.

I don’t see my psychiatrist again for two weeks. I kind of miss seeing her every week. My mood has been up and down, depending on pain. I haven’t had any bad suicidal moods but thoughts of dying have crossed my mind the past few days. I didn’t tell my psych about them because they didn’t last long. She usually doesn’t ask me at all about my suicidal stuff. She leaves it to me to bring it up. It’s how we have always worked.

She didn’t have any luck so far in finding me a therapist. She wants to get through to the triage line but can’t get a hold of a human to talk to. Welcome to my world, doc. She said she will get in touch with me if she finds someone. It’ll be almost two months since I have been without a therapist. This has been the longest I have been without seeing someone. It is weird not talking to someone every week.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Saturday Blog 78

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    wow is it 2 months already…wow. time flies. I am sorry you’ve been feeling suicidal. Here if you need an ear or a friend to talk. hugs. xxx

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