St. Patrick’s Day 2017

St. Patrick’s Day 2017

I had a rough start to my morning. I woke up around 0430, again and made the mistake of going back to sleep. I woke up a few hours later and was in severe pain. I didn’t want to leave my bed. But I had to see my psychiatrist so I took some meds and hoped it worked. I wanted to catch the 1050 bus so I had to wait a couple hours. Ample time for the meds to work. I played on my phone while I was waiting.

I got to Starbucks and had a sandwich and my espresso, which I missed terribly. I was still tired and I just wanted my bed but I still had my appointment to go to. I kept snoozing in Starbucks, in between sips of deliciousness. I started writing in my journal after I finished my sandwich. I wrote about two pages. My mother need some things so I went to CVS to try and find it. They didn’t have what she was looking for. I left to go to my appointment.

I had a good appointment with my psych. I made her laugh several times and that made me feel good because she usually doesn’t laugh. I got my refills. I didn’t look at the Ativan refill when she handed it to me. I did while waiting at the pharmacy and found she cut my supply to less than what I was taking before. Shit. Oh well, I guess I am going to have to watch my pills from now on.

I told her about my father’s birthday and anniversary being next week. I am glad she didn’t want to see me that day. I would have been a wreck. I was almost a wreck today as I saw the bus I used to take to see my father go by after I finished shopping at Walgreens. I was walking toward Rite Aid as I needed some half and half and Walgreens didn’t carry the kind I use. I almost started crying but I held it in. Just thinking about it is making me sad. I still can’t get his last day out of my head. From the moment I walked into his room at the nursing home to basically his last breath runs through my mind nearly every single day for the last eleven months. The other night, I swore I heard his rasping crackle as he breathed. I never want to see someone die ever again. So my mother better live a long time and never get sick like my father did.

I told my psychiatrist what my sisters and I plan on doing with his ashes. She smiled and said that could be a blog. I’d write about it anyways as I am sure it will be emotional for me. After the trips to the stores, I came home and started to rest. I was dying of heat as the weather warmed up some and I was overdressed. My t-shirt was soaked. I got undressed and cooled off in my hot room. Once my body temp went down, I got dressed. I was planning on taking some pain meds but decided to play on my laptop as a distraction. While reading Facebook, my mother called saying she needed help with dinner. I thought shit, how is this going to work? My ankle is already being a brat so I sucked it up. It was chicken stir fry and rice so nothing too complicated. But I had to be on my feet to stir things around.

After we had dinner, I retreated to my room where my ankle and foot blew up on me. Pain med time! I am wicked exhausted so I think I am going to take my meds around 1900 so I can be asleep by at least 2100. I just have to pick up my meds at the pharmacy tomorrow and drop off my other pain med. I would have dropped off both the pain med and the Ativan but there have been reports flying that the combination has been leading to overdoses. I didn’t want there to be a problem on a Friday afternoon to get both meds when I really need my Ativan as I have just enough to get me through till Monday. So I just handed in the Ativan slip and will fill my pain meds tomorrow. If there is a problem, I think I can wait it out till Monday as long as I don’t have a flare up until then.

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