Cold and rainy and tiring day
I woke up at 0600 to use the bathroom. I was contemplating going back to sleep or not. But my exhaustion took over. Just in case, I set my alarm for 0945 so that I wouldn’t oversleep. I need to catch the 1050 bus to do the things I needed to do today. I woke up with my phone going off and a lot of fricken messages. I had to take my blood pressure pill and there were a lot of T messages saying there were delays, mostly for the buses I take but not the one I needed to be on at 1050, thank goodness. I went downstairs to brush my teeth and wash up a little bit. I really just wanted to crawl back in my bed but I had to see my psych.
I caught the bus. It was drizzling out and fricken cold. I was glad I wore my heavy sweatshirt and jacket. I went to the post office to mail my friend the stuff that got lost in the mail last week. I had bought myself the same things so I just mailed her my supply, which I will reorder next week. I am still pissed the post office sent her a ripped envelope. But it’s my fault for not sending the stuff in a box. I got the box today. It was a little big for the contents but they wouldn’t get lost. It’s insured so if they do lose it, I can get my money back. I then went to Starbucks.
I ordered my drink and when I went to get a seat, Carrie Underwood’s song “something in the water” came on the radio. I love that song. Once it was over and I had my drink and my breakfast sandwich, I played it on my MP3 player. I was listening to my country songs and not really thinking about things, when all of a sudden I did. I thought of my ex-therapist and my father and that combination just saddened me to no end. I thought I was going to cry I hurt so bad. It really sucked and my mood just faltered. I really just wanted to go home and skip my psychiatrist’s appointment but I had already made it this far. I didn’t do any writing, just played on my phone. I didn’t even read Twitter as I was just so upset.
It had sort of stopped raining when I left for the train station. I got there in plenty of time. My psych was late, as usual. We talked about my new therapist and how he was. She wrote down his name. I didn’t tell her about my nephew’s problems. I told her I was nearly crushed by the grief I felt about my former therapist and my father hitting me today. I also told her I have no motivation and need to “force” myself to do things. It just wears me out and I need a nap for a couple of hours every day. We talked about what we were going to do about my father’s anniversary. I still can’t believe he has been gone a year. Seems like only yesterday.
After my appointment, I went to the Square and got my haircut. The barber and I talked the whole time he cut my hair about a whole range of shit. I really love him. I got an awesome cut. He does a real good job so I don’t mind him talking my ear off. I caught the next bus home and as I walked in the door, my cousin called me. I was taking off my AFO and nearly fell. I stepped on the damn thing to keep from falling over, which hurt my foot. I must have taken the damn thing off a million times and this is the first time I trip over it. I just can’t be doing something else when it comes to my feet. Other than my foot being sore, I was okay and I don’t think I damaged the AFO. I am wicked exhausted. I just want my leftover Chinese food for supper and call it a night. I know I am probably going to pay for it tomorrow or tonight but I got nothing that needs doing until Sunday.