don’t give a fuck Saturday

Don’t give a fuck Saturday

I woke up around 11 or so. I needed coffee. I had a late night listening to the ball game as they went into extra innings. We won 13-6 in the 15th. I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. Then I made coffee. I had a pop tart with it and then went up to my room. By the time I got to my room, my ankle flared up. I got really depressed. I took some pain meds and waited for them to work.

I decided to read for a bit hoping that would distract me from my pain. I finished my coffee and brought my cup downstairs. I ate some turkey breast and then decided to take a nap. My ankle wasn’t having none of it. I really wanted to die at this point. I couldn’t take anymore pain meds as I just took them. It was a gnawing type of pain all around my ankle bone. I posted some things on Facebook and took an Ativan. Then I put some lidocaine on my ankle, which the bone was tender to the touch. I then forced myself to lie down and try and sleep. I put the AC on energy saver so I wouldn’t freeze my ass off.

I just didn’t care anymore. My Buckeyes were playing and I could care less. My Huskers were too. Sox are playing now. I just want to sleep. I am tired of being in pain. Tired of being.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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