where has the hope gone?

Where has the hope gone?

I woke up around 8 in pain. I took some pain meds and went to the bathroom. I fell back to sleep only to wake up in pain again. I called my friend to tell him I wasn’t going to see him or my friends south of Boston. I felt pretty crummy about cancelling as I was really looking forward to going. My friends understood. They still love me but some how I feel so hopeless. I know it is because of the stuff the PT did yesterday that I am hurting and it’s not always going to be like this. My brain does know this but my feelings are in this abyss of things are never going to get better. I just want to die right now. Just end my life so I don’t have to hurt anymore.

I emailed my psychiatrist last night to tell her the good news about PT. I asked her, again, for an appt time and she responded with one. It’s next Friday morning. I will have my name changed by then, I hope.

I’m going to cry myself to sleep now. I just hurt too much.