Pain and torture? NOT

Pain and torture? NOT

I had a difficult sleep. I had set my alarm for 0930 but I woke up in pain around 5 and couldn’t go back to sleep. I was really tired so I took an Ativan and finally went back to sleep sometime after 6. My alarm went off and I didn’t want to wake up. I stayed in bed. I didn’t fall back to sleep but when I looked at the time it was 1015. Shit. I had to hurry up and catch the bus to PT. My Bluetooth headset was working okay until I got to where I was going. Then it became all staticky.

I was 45 mins early but I rather be early than late. I played with my phone. I didn’t know what to expect. The PT called me in at the appt time. She went over my history and what the evaluator PT wrote in her notes. She explained that she does things differently. She works on my sensitivity and then my cognitive ways to deal with CRPS. It wasn’t going to be the typical therapy where I am given a bunch of exercises and told to do them. I was going to get homework but they were not hard. She said, to my surprise, I had some weakness in my right foot that I use for stabilization. She wanted to work on that as my left is weaker than my right. Then she tested my zones to see where my pain and desensitization was. She didn’t hurt me too bad as she didn’t want to cause a flare. She said that if at any time I hurt, to let her know and she can modify what she is doing or stop it all together. I thought that was sweet. She said that I am driving the sessions and it will be based on my pain and how I respond is how she works. Those were music to my ears. She wanted me to download an app to work on the left and right. It was an app that you had to pay for. It also was a large download as it took several minutes.

I left the appt feeling good about how things were going to go. I had to wait for the bus as I had no idea of the schedule. Luckily for me, the bus that goes to my house was the bus that came next. I didn’t have to transfer buses, which was nice. I went to Walgreens to pick up my prescription and get some lunch. I wanted some White Castle burgers. I bought 2 boxes and an energy drink. I had some sliders and then I was sleepy. My hip was hurting and I’m not sure if it was because of how I was standing waiting for the bus or the exercise the PT gave me. I laid down and my foot/ankle flared up. I was not happy but not surprised either. I took some meds to quiet it down and just laid down until I fell asleep. I didn’t mean to sleep so soundly but I did. I figure I would get out of bed when my med alarm went off but my bladder went off first. My hip is still hurting after my nap. I hope I didn’t do anything to it.

I took my night meds when I came back upstairs. Unfortunately, one pill fell into my Powerade bottle. I drank it all to get the pill out but it had already dissolved. First time that has ever happened. I am going to go to bed early tonight. I am just feeling completely wiped out. I was going to order a steak tip dinner but I’m not that hungry. My PCP’s office didn’t call me about my scripts and I am not happy about it. I left a message for them to call me and they didn’t. Bums.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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